


L’Manburg Bias

by neonhyacinth



Category: Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: :), College, DNF, FUCK MY CAPS LOCK, Fussy, High School, I DONT CARE IF ITS NOT WHAT YOU WANTED, I Do, I lied, LIKE ALICE IN WONDERLAND BUT STORY, L’Manburg, Maybe - Freeform, Mellohi, Neurodiversity, No beta we die like jschlatt, Other, Phantom Hybrid Wilbur Soot, Ranboo-centric (Video Blogging RPF), SEARCH THESE TAGS AND READ THIS, School, THERES 104 DAYS OF SUMMER VACATION, Texting, and hes gen z, bitch, chatfic, comment pls, dont know where it goes, dream is an evil man in persona character form, estranged war sounds, give me clout please - Freeform, have a good day :), he said give me a goddamn minute-, heart attacks in the middle of war, i can’t tag but this shit is fun, i have no beta because we die like tommyinnit, i just spoke to tommyinnit, i update often ig, i walk a lonely road, i will surpass heatwaves, i wish B-‘), if any cc’s are uncomfortable this will be taken down, i’m gonna- i’m gonna stop with the lyrics, killed in a prison by a faceless blob, maybe he gets adopted, messaging, more tags as we go, my soulmate is clout and that is that, please i’m so dumb, pog - Freeform, ranboo has a tragic back story because i like angst, ranboo is a foster kid, read me, ship tags for clout?, the cc is cool, the only road that i have ever known, theres PLOT for the first time in forever, what if i add tags for clout, whats up homies, who knows - Freeform, why did the first tags to pop up say “threesome”, writers block turns into crack so
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-14 12:01:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 84
Words: 20,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29045796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neonhyacinth/pseuds/neonhyacinth
Summary: one of the many mcyt chatfics here loluHmhere we go.i try to update at least twice a dayor, the one that starts as a hs au, and slowly spirals into canon
Relationships: Author/clout, Clay | Dream & Floris | Fundy, DreamWasTaken/GeorgeNotFound, Floris | Fundy/Jschlatt, Karl Jacobs/Sapnap, Mostly platonic i believe, Quackity/Jschlatt, Ranboo & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Ranboo & Technoblade & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Ranboo & Tubbo, SBI Family - Relationship, Skeppy/Badboyhalo, Technoblade/Dream, The Dream Team - Relationship, Tommyinnit & Tubbo, Wilbur Soot/Sally, dropsbyponk/sam, i just want CLOUT, ranboo/memorybook, sam and puffy and tommy, tommyinnit/pog, very few of these will be incorporated
Comments: 2086
Kudos: 1397





	1. the start of it all

**Author's Note:**

> all of you reading this, i love you. have a good day

**l’manburg bias**

11:42 PM

big man: i’m adding in endermin hydra to the chat

technology: a WHAT?

big crime: an enderman hybrid from our english class  
:sent with siri:

technology: oh ok

:big man added ranboob to the chat:

big man: RANBOO

:ranboob changed their name to ranboo:

ranboo: tommy

technology: i like this guy

mr. minecraft: Tommy, would you care to introduce us?

big man: RANBOO MEET THE PEOPLE

ranboo: okay uh hi people

green blob: do you live on 41st street?

ranboo: i used to- when i was 7???

green blob: nice

ranboo: i’m gonna go do homework and start on my english project. bye

technology: you are the only child i respect.

big crime: he’s gonna do the whole thing. isn’t he @big man

big man: yes.

gogy: whatd i miss?

green blob: GEORGE

samsung refrigerator: GEORGE

time is of the essence: SAPNAP

samsung refrigerator: KARL

sam i am: tommy go help the new kid with your project.

big man: but sammmmmmm

music man: KARL SAPNAP

time is of the essence: QUACKITY

:fishfucker changed their name to sooty:

3:14 AM

ranboo: @big man the all you have left to do is the poster board also i will probably be out of your class in a few weeks lol

technology: it’s. three. in. the. morning.

ranboo: yes mr. technoblade.

technology: why are you awake at three in the morning.

ranboo: sleep schedules are non existent.

technology: go to bed

ranboo: i can be awake when i want to be awake.

technology: fair point.  
why are you awake?

ranboo: oh the place i’m staying is uh place-y

technology: what?

ranboo: it’s nothing.

**pm :Technoblade to Ranboo:**

Technoblade: Ranboo what do you mean

Ranboo: i just met you. i’m not going to concern you with my problems.

Technoblade: ok kid.

6:30 AM

**l’manburg bias**

big man: THANK YOU  
where did you go to school before?

ranboo: i was at Prime Crest until i was 7  
then i went to Blackstone Elementary.  
i moved to Pogtopia and went to Pogchamp Elementary, uh, BadLands Junior high, Logstead Jr High, Pogtopia high for all freshman year, and the start of sophomore, and now i’m here.

big crime: do your parents move around a lot?

ranboo: my parents haven’t moved since i was 7.

big crime: oh i’m sorry

ranboo: it’s fine lol i’ve been in the foster system for as long as i can remember which isn’t saying much because i have a terrible memory haha

sooty: do you know a jared?

ranboo: my current foster father actually

sooty: address?

ranboo: um.. i don’t remember- i’m in a school building i can’t just go check

mr. minecraft: wilbur, NO.

**SBI**

Dadza: Wilbur you can’t go after every jared you see

innit: i smell trauma

fishfucker: i hate jared’s

**MINER 49ER**

child: guys come over after school and we can have a SLEEPOVER

ranboom: ok... uh ok

tubbox: sure thing big man

**SBI**

innit: i invited tubbo and ranboo over tonight

knife: great more kids

dadza: okay tommy

fishfucker: i would like to meet this ranboo fellow

innit: you will

4:30 PM

**:Ranboos POV:**

Ranboo was worried to say the least. When he got home Jared was gone. That’s always a good thing. But Margo, was there. Sitting on the couch and staring at the door.

“Margo.” Ranboo looked at her.

“Ranny” she snarled.

“i’m gonna spend the night at, a uh, at a friends house.”

“oh are you?”

“yes. that’s what i just said.”

“Do not talk back to me. We’re being VERY kind in letting you stay here.”

“yeah- i’m sorry- you’re right.”

Margo got up off the couch, and elbowed the 6’6” enderman hybrid in the rib cage. hard. “and don’t forget it.”

Ranboo walked away to pack a bag mumbling “she has bony elbows.”

Ranboo eventually makes it to the Minecraft Abode. he knocks on the door to find tubbo is already there.

“RANBOO” Tommy yells as the door opens.

“Tommmmmyyy” Ranboo replies.

“Please, come inside. Calm yourself.” tommy leads him into the house and sits on the couch.

Tubbo loses at Mario Kart and looks at Ranboo “everytime i see you i feel like you’ve GROWN.”

Wilbur and Techno walk into the room talking about something and pause when they see ranboo.

Wilbur blinks “hes bloody taller than i am!”


	2. Short Chapter of Cake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> basically a filler because i’m bored and it’s short.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi again lovelies, this chapter sucks but my attention span is stretched so deal with it :)
> 
> i’ll try to update every thursday, this is just because i was insanely bored and craving cake.

“I’m sorry?” Ranboo starts. not entirely sure what so say in that context. 

Tommy shrugs “HE IS an enderman thing”

Tubbo tilts his head “why are you white?”

“I’m another thing to, i just don’t know what.” Ranboo replies. 

Technoblade looks at ranboo, just evaluating the poor kid. “heh.”

Ranboo looks at the ground, never one for eye contact.

“Teeeeeechno? can we bake a cake?” Tommy asks. 

“Only if you clean up after because i’m not covering for you again.”

Wilbur turns to Tommy, with unblinking eyes. “would you like some Mule Bits to go with that?”

“NO!” Tubbo yells. 

Ranboo blinks.

Tommys eyes widen “NO!”

wilbur takes a fist full of sand out of a vase and puts it in his mouth. “suit yourself.” he replies, walking away. 

Technoblade shoots a concerned glance at his twin. “Well then.”

Tommy leads the way to the kitchen and gets out his wheat, egg, and milk. “Tada.” he shouts after finishing the crafting. 

Technoblade shakes his head and walks out of the room. 

Tubbo and Tommy slowly eat the cake. 

“here!” Tommy offers some to ranboo. 

Ranboo picks up the remainders of the cake, (a single slice) and it becomes whole again. he cuts out a small slice and puts the cake back down. 

“WHAT??” Tommy yells. 

“SURELY NOT?” Tubbo inputs. 

Techno runs into the room at the sound of yelling. “What happened?”

Ranboo turns towards Techno. “Magical Matter cake.”

Tommy quickly fills Techno in with what happened. 

“You can create matter out of nothing?” He asks. 

“Only with cake actually-“ Ranboo fills in. 

Wilbur walks into the room “I heard the word CAKE.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> damn wilbur keeps getting the last word-
> 
> tommy will be more in character next chapter lol


	3. Is Wilbur Fucking fish again?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morning Chaos. that’s what.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love you all. The excitement i went through seeing all the kudos and comments made me so happy, so thank you for that. B-)

Ranboo was having fun to say the least. 

He liked the Minecraft household. 

He really did. But right now it’s four in the 

morning and he hasn’t slept a wink. 

That was ok, Ranboo doesnt get a lot of  sleep as it is, unsafe households, and just  general night owlishness tends to do that  to you. 

He sits up on the couch, Tommy and Tubbo fell asleep on the floor hours ago. 

Ranboo scrolls through his photos. 

Memories with images frozen in time. 

He opens his notes app and fills it with 

what he did today. Making sure not to

forget the fun times.

Ranboo?” A voice calls from the hall. 

Ranboo whips around “uM hello?” he 

notices technoblade standing there. 

“what’re you doing?” the former asks 

skeptically. 

“Uh sitting here?”

“no like why are you awake?”

“i just couldnt sleep.”

Technoblade comes and sits down on the 

other side of the couch. “is it the house?”

ranboo blinks “oh no- i’m just not one for 

sleep i guess.”

“Yeah, me neither.”

Ranboo nods, and the duo relapses into 

comfortable silence. 

Tommy wakes up as that asscrack of 

DAWN and jumps up from his position on 

the blowup mattress. He looks around 

“Ranboo? how fucking dare you be awake 

before me.” Tommy light heartedly hits 

Ranboo on the shoulder. 

“Whoops.” Ranboo replies. 

“I AM THE BIG MAN.” 

“Okay, Tommy. I’m very sorry for 

challenging you.” Ranboo fights a laugh. 

“Phil should be home soon.” Techno adds. 

Wilbur walks out of his room. “Oh you 

fuckers are still here.” 

“SHhHhhhH Tubbo is SLEEPING dont 

YELL!” Tommy scolds his brother. 

“You arsehole, you literally just yelled from  directly next to him??”

“I FUCKING DIDNT.”

“YOU DID IDIOT MOTHERFUCKER.”

Tubbo wakes up to the sounds of enraged

screaming. “Is there a fire?? Or is wilbur 

fucking salmon again?”

Tommy blinks at his friend “WHAT?”

Wilbur scoffs and takes his leave. 

Ranboo sits quietly taking deep breaths. 

Tommy throws Golden Carrots around 

“BREAKFAST.”

Technoblade rolls his eyes. 

“Hey, roll those back around. Why are you  out here in the first place, bitch?” Tommy  asks. 

Techno shrugs “i go where i want 

when i want.” 

“OOooKaY”

“techNObLadE mOrning here It is GOOD.” 

Tubbo smiles brightly. 

“oh gods. here we go again.” Techno 

purses his lips. “yikes.”

Ranboo comes back to his senses 

“Alright- that was fun but i better get going.” 

Tommy gasps “ITS SEVEN THIRTY.”

Ranboo nods “yeah, but uh, i have to go 

do something.”

Techno tilts his head somewhat concerned  for the orphan. (that’s a first)

“It’s fine really!” Ranboo smiles an  enderman-ly smile and walks out the door. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wilbur doesn’t have the last word this time?? i broke the cycle?? BE PROUD


	4. yoshi our yoshi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> heheh we’re back to messages 
> 
> a bit of a time skip because jared had to be dead lollll

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m pretty sure i fixed the formatting, please point out all the flaws to be (but be nice i am but an emotional wreck)
> 
> I LOVE YOU ALL THANK YOU FOR READING.

Three weeks has passed since Tubbo and Ranboo spent the night at the minecraft abode. 

our favorite enderboy has been at a group home because when Ranboo arrived home it turned out that Jared was missing (he still hasn’t been found, by the way) and Margo was a wreck. So, social services took Ranboo in yet again.

6:30 AM

Monday

** l’manburg bias **

big man: the jared mcklain missing posters are everywhere lol

big crime: odd

:sooty changed their name to anti-jared:

anti-jared: oh how sad

where ever could poor jared be?

ranboo: guys.

:big man changed ranboos name to christmas:

christmas: bruh, that’s not swag :(

big man: STFU LOSER

technology: chill

anti-jared: speaking of jared’s, ranboo, hows the food?

christmas: dry. like your humor. 

big crime: OHHHHHHH

anti-jared: that was uncalled for, i’m crying

mr. minecraft: tommy why is there a mouse in the cupboard?

big man: that’s hawtie 

christmas: that’s original 

big man: why are you out for our throats today

christmas: nerves. lol i gotta get to algebra 

big man: tubbo and i are in pe yo dont sue us levaif 

big crime: mrs. lint took his phone

:sent with voice to text:

technology: lmao i hated her

green blob: didn’t we all?

gogy: seconded 

schloot: now you all appear

green blob: schlatt how did you even get in the chat

quoock: i added him

time is of the essence: quackity you’ve been so quiet 

samsung refrigerator: when the children are away the adults will play

gogy: no <3

samsung refrigerator: yes <3

gogy: </3 dead. i’ve killed you. your heart is dead. 

time is of the essence: NOOOO SAPNAP MY LOVE

quoock: HES GONE

technology:  🦀 sapnap is gone 🦀

green blob: techno what?

technology: sorry it’s the voices 

anti-jared: what a beautiful crab... does it have a name?

technology: yoshi

anti-jared: i will sacrifice tommy to yoshi the crab’s cause. i never believed in god but yoshi has shown me different. 

mr. minecraft: what about the void, the mule, and the dome?

anti-jared: they all let me down. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aw shit. it looks like we’re back to wilbur having the last word. tough. whos complaining?
> 
> i speedran this chapter faster than tommy lit that portal with wood planks.


	5. anti-jared strikes again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this ones short 
> 
> but it moves the plot forwardssss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hahahAhahHahahaha

12:00 AM

Monday

**l’manburg bias**

big man: ranboo wasnt in english 

:big crime changed their name to tubbox:

tubbox: he’s not at lunch either 

technology: how did you lose a 6’6” enderman hybrid?

big man: after biology he said he had theatre and the class after that was english but he never showed up

mr. minecraft: have you messaged him?

tubbox: what do you think we’re doing old man

anti-jared: noooo ranboo my muse where are you

christmas: lol

tubbox: WHERE ARW YOU

christmas: oh i’m down by prime street 

technology: WHY

christmas: new foster home lolll

big man: YOU LEFT ME WITH MR. MULCH 

christmas: tubbo was literally there

anti-jared: aye aye stoplight child, have you thought about crabs? theyre the creatures of underwater and land. 

christmas: um no

anti-jared: worship yoshi the crab w/ me, we will be unstoppable

christmas: that’s odd

anti-jared: no, listen, listen he will provide us with good fortune and large sums of money 

christmas: oh look at that my social services worker, Kaitlyn, is ushering me into this very small house bye bye

anti-jared: what

technology: phil

mr. minecraft: what

technology: can you adopt ranboo

mr. minecraft: *sighs*

big man: ASTERISKS UR SO OLD

:tubbox changed christmas’ name to ward of the state:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please, if you have any suggestions, or constructive criticism dont be afraid to share


	6. rain rain go away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ranboo gets stuck in the rain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to write this twice because i accidentally deleted all the work-

Ranboo wakes up standing in the middle of a very colorful.. island? He spins around slowly taking in his surroundings. He’s lost, and he has no idea how. The ender hybrid looks up at the sky. He smells rain. This was NOT good. He pulls out his phone. 

2:30 AM

Tuesday

** l’manburg bias **

ward of the state: whats the colorful looking place with the llamas on a roller coaster?

time is of the essence: Y R YOU AT PARTY ISLAND?

ward of the state: i have no idea, i woke up here

time is of the essence: oh ok gn

ward of the state: oh

night

gogy: LOLLLLLLLLLLLLL

ward of the state: i have one bar of service and google maps isn’t working 

how do i get out of here

gogy: sucks to suck

green blob: GEORGE YOURE AWAKE

gogy: yes i am awake 

green blob: WOOHOO call me  😁👍

gogy: ugh fine 

ward of the state: ok thanks for the help. 

anti-jared: why the fuck are you awake ranboo

ward of the state: i woke up here 

oh no

anti-jared: oh no what?

ward of the state: it’s raining 

anti-jared: oh shit uh, good luck. bye 

ward of the state: you’re all so helpful 

anti-jared: prey to yoshi, he will save you

ward of the state: can anyone ACTUALLY help me?

anti-jared: no my father is sleeping and idk where his keys are

ward of the state: ok guess i’m dead pfFt

3:12 AM

** :PM Technoblade to Ranboo: **

Technoblade: Ranboo

Ranboo

Ranboo

Ranboo

Ranboo: hello

Technoblade: are you still at PI?

Ranboo: i just spent three minutes trying to find a pi emoji 

but uh, yes i’m still there, underneath a power box 

Technoblade: why are you under a power box

Ranboo: rain

i’m half enderman 

it burns 

Technoblade: i’m driving to pick you up 

Ranboo: wait really?

Technoblade: yes. now McDonalds or Wendy’s?

Ranboo: uh.. wendy’s?

**:Ranboo’s POV:**

Ranboo is curled up into himself under the power box. His lanky form making it especially hard. “how did you get out here? you can’t teleport. Everytime you tried it failed. Sleep walking? maybe.” he consoles himself.

Technoblade pulls up in a silver Honda. (it’s the first car i could think of dont @ me) He took out an umbrella and walked over to the power box. 

“bruh how did you even fit under there?”

he asks the distressed teen. 

”I’m not sure..” Ranboo rolls out, Wincing as the wet ground hits his hands. 

Techno holds up the umbrella and they walk to the car. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and again, ily guys
> 
> next chapters gonna be the 3 AM wendy’s trip.


	7. fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> writers block hit. sigh. 
> 
> they burned a mansion. 
> 
> there might be another chapter out later, but who knows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I LOVE YOU ALL OMG

“so,” Techno glances at Ranboo “do you wake up in random places often?”

“yes. but that’s a given with my situation.” Ranboo laughs nervously 

“do you wake up in random places that you ARENT supposed to be often?”

“No, but it’s happened occasionally.”

“Bruh.” Techno pulls into the wendy’s parking lot. 

“i think i sleep walk. it’s odd.”

“You sleep walk across town?” 

“i think?”

They get out of the parked car and walk into the restaurant. 

“i forgot to ask what you wanted.” Technoblade states. 

“uHhhh, can i have a bacon cheeseburger, and fries? please.”

Technoblade shrugs “i don’t see why not, but the real problem is, WHO should order?”

“UhM”

“i’m kidding i’m kidding.”

Technoblade orders Ranboos food, and a frosty for himself. They sit at one of the tables with their food. 

Ranboo still has a few burns on his hands. it only he had some healing properties. jeez. 

“Thanks again, Technoblade.”

“I suppose you’re welcome. i couldn’t leave you dying out in the rain. What would Phil say?”

“scold you for not helping a poor innocent child.”

“RIGHT.”

they eat in peace. it’s 6:30 and the rain has stopped. 

“gahhh i’m gonna be sent back to the group home.” Ranboo groans. 

“Oh that’s right. What’re your foster parents like this time?”

Ranboo shrugs “its literally only an old dude who wanted the foster benefits.”

“That’s.. not ok.”

“it is what it is.”

They leave the wendy’s and walk out to the car. 

Techno drives them to the ‘old dude’s’ house. There’s no cars out front or anything. It’s a huge building though. With pillars and wood for days. 

“Looks like he’s not home.” The pig hybrid points out. At this point the voices had started to chant ‘burn it’ but he couldn’t do that to ranboo... or... weirder things have happened in l’manburg havent they?

Ranboo shrugs and walks to the door “i guess not.”

Technoblade pauses. “whats your take on pyromania?”

“it’s fire. plain and simple.” 

Technoblade impulsively lights a match and throws it in the doorway. 

Ranboos eyes widen as the dry frame of the door lights up. “oh.” 

They watch the fire in peace. 

“i guess mr. mason needs those foster benefits now-“ Ranboo jokes. 

Sirens play out in the distance and Techno yells “gogogo” 

the pair hop in the car, and drive to The Minecraft house. 

Ranboo and Techno laughing the whole way. Adrenaline does that sometimes. 


	8. oh no what ever will we do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> teleportation and hinting at the future B-)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hell yeah, TWO CHAPTERS A DAY
> 
> i’m really speedrunning this fic. 
> 
> also, i love sam.

The hybrids walk up to the door, and go inside. Quietly so they don’t disturb anyone. Tommy SHOULD be getting ready for school. 

“You’re like, REALLY bad at hating orphans.” Ranboo states. 

Technoblade glares at the half enderman “i am not.”

“your orphan obliterator sword is QUACKING.”

Wilbur walks into the room “RANBOO fancy seeing you here, not really but yes. What’s with the burns?”

“Water.” Ranboo answers simply. 

Tommyinnit runs in hearing the name Ranboo. “RANBOO WHATS FUCKING UP, MATE.”

“Hi Tommy.”

“hi to you too.” Technoblade rolls his eyes at the other minecraft’s. 

Wilburs eyes widen like he’s remembered something. “Oh, by the way, Dreams homeless.”

Ranboo snorts “yo me too.”

Technoblade ushers Tommy and Ranboo out the door “You guys have school.”

“oh yeah, BYE BITCHES.” Tommy yells. 

Ranboo just waves and walks down the street. For someone who’s been awake for 36 hours he doesn’t show it- that’s a lie. he’s tired. 

tuesday

7:14 AM

** l’manburg bias **

tubbox: why does ranboo have BURNS on his hands, and shouners ??? what the fuvk is gong on

The Eret: say whit 

ward of the state: water and a high pain tolerance, with a dash of trauma 

big man: are we finally getting the ranboo backstory?

ward of the state: no, but it involves water :)

anti-jared: i have an important announcement 

technology: lol dreams got no home 

green blob: I HAVE A HOME FAR AWAY 

tubbox: sure big man

big man: ranboob what’s your story 

mr. minecraft: tommy dont pry

ward of the state: i’m in chemistry, whoops gotta go

anti-jared: yoshi isn’t a god. he’s never done anything for me, it was just incredible luck. this isn’t ok, but i have found something better. 

sam i am: hi guys! i hope you all have a good day :)

Tuesday

2:00

** MINER 49ER(it’s the gold rush heheh) **

big man: ranboo did you just fucking teleport 

ranboo

ranboo 

ranboo

ranboo

RANBOO

big crime: WHAT EVEN WAS THAT 

ranboo: i don’t know-

:5 minutes prior to that conversation:

** ranboos pov: **

Ranboo wasn’t feeling it. He was sleep deprived, and bored of Maths. 

He closed his eyes. Planning on RESTING them for a little bit, but when he opened them, he was in the cafeteria. “that’s not- how? you CANT teleport, and someone would’ve stopped you from walking. We took all the precautions. This shouldn’t have happened.”

** Tubbos pov:  **

Tubbo looked around the classroom. He notices Tommy, folding paper airplanes, Ranboo.. asleep at his desk, and the rest of the students were intently focused. That is, except Jake from State Farm. He was looking at Flo. 

He took a double take of the classroom, Tommy folding paper, Ranboos seat empty, Flo and Jake- Ranboos chair empty??? What the hell?

Tubbo saw that Tommy was staring awestruck at the empty seat. 

** Tommys Pov: **

Tommy was so fucking bored. Bored is an understatement. He was folding Paper airplanes, and planning on throwing one at Ranboo. He heard a ‘ wooo’ from behind him, and was blinded by purple particles. When he turned around you cuss ranboo out, he noticed that the Enderboy wasn’t there. “holy shit!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi again, i love you all


	9. pwofp

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> grilling ranboo and languAhE pops up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo school kicked my ass

** l’manburg bias **

big man: RANBOO CAN TELEPORT 

ward of the state: tommy no

tubbox: i conform 

technology: heh??

anti-jared: whomst the fuck withheld this information from us?

gogy: stop you’re making my phone ding

green blob: george ily

gogy: go fuck yourself 

green blob: :(

ward of the state: wilbur no

anti-jared: tommy give me my sand back you motherfucking heathen i hate you

languAhE: LANGUAGE

anti-jared: no

technology: so what’s this about teleportation?

ward of the state: i forgot

big man: purple particles and pwoPf

slop: hue dod yogb goasb to the tolopert 

languAhE: skeppy! :)

slop: hello bad boy halo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> love you guys B-)


	10. asterisk hate club

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> crack. and that is that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AYE STILL ON MY TWO CHAPTERS A DAY STREAK 
> 
> be proud of meeee B-)

** l’manburg bias  **

ward of the state: will someone please tell tommy to STOP trying to speak galactic? he just said “∴⍑ᔑℸ ̣╎ᓭ ||𝙹⚍∷ ᓵ∷ᔑ||𝙹リ 𝙹⍊ᒷリ ↸𝙹╎リ⊣”

tubbox: some is us can’t speak onglish now you want me tu due unuther langauge?

ward of the state: oh whoops he said “what is your crayon oven doing”

mr. minecraft: you’re fluent in galactic?

ward of the state: yep

mr. minecraft: teach me your ways. i beg you. 

ward of the state: lol sure 

technology: tommy what do you mean crayon oven?

big man: i was trying to say “what is in your oven”

ward of the state: yo im MORE homeless than dream. that question serves NO purpose. 

green blob: HEY!

ward of the state: it’s just me and my infinity cake, in an alleyway 

technology: lol

anti-jared: send the jared’s my way 

ward of the state: *eats cake*

big man: FUCKOFF WITH THE ASTERISKS 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if anyone wants anything incorporated PLEASE let me now. I’m more than willing to take your ideas into account.


	11. h a h a failed crack.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this doesn’t even tie into the plot, but i had to add characters before moving forwards

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahem thank you very much froggyfinral 
> 
> slimecicle will have a much bigger part in the future loll

**l’manburg bias**

big man: jack manifold i will fucking punt you you bitch 

manifol: what did i do

big man: i want to hit you

languAhE: OwO

The Eret: E

anti-jared: fucking losers

slop: gy tmmy yhg will win

big man: thank you skeppy. take a golden carrot 

green blob: wait i wanna fight

samsung refrigerator: i want subway

technology: why is wilbur chasing tommy around the house with his guitar 

tubbox: you think we know

:sent with speech to text:

niACHU: hello everyone 

ward of the state: hi nikki

:tubbox changed ward of the states name to remember boy:

:slimes added slimes to the group:

anti-jared: oh no it’s the fucking nerd

big man: he tastes like chicken 

slimes: hello

remember boy: charlieeee

slimes: woah i haven’t seen you in like... two years 

remember boy: yeah lol

anti-jared: no don’t talk to the fucking nerd he’s gone weird after tommy infected him

slimes: :(

anti-jared: :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again, i love you all 
> 
> and constructive criticism and all that is more than welcome.


	12. owo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i’m writing this at 10% battery so it’s RUSHED but there’s gonna be another chapter later lolzies (ew i’m so sorry for that)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi again

** :Ranboo to Tommyinnit : **

Ranboob: tommy did i just see you in a Cadillac?

tommyinnit: no

no

no

no

no

no

no

no

no

Ranboob: :tommyinthecadillac.png: 

tommyinnit: FUCK OFF

Ranboob: did you put some miles on it?

tommyinnit: im blocking you 

** l’manburg bias **

remember boy: :tommyinthecadillac.png:

tommy blocked me, but i obtained the image. 

tubbox: HAHAHA

anti-jared: [Jump in the cadillac-0:23 · YouTube](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=AP5NMHfWBkw)

big man: WILBUR STOP I WILL KILL YOU

anti-jared: jump in the Cadillac

slimes: IM STUCK ON BRONZE

anti-jared: shut up charlie 

gogy: girl let’s put some miles on it

time is of the essence: you deserve it baby you deserve itAAALLL

big man: STOP

green blob: tommy i’m you’re only friend :)

tubbox: umM

big man: WHAT

remember boy: can someone tell tommy to unblock me 

ponking: what’s a milf?

languAhE: owo

samsung refrigerator: some dumb bitch took MY subway 

green blob: lol that was me

samsung refrigerator: ur life will end very soon

anti-jared: *eats popcorn*

manifol: *watches intently*

mr. minecraft: *eats porridge*

remember boy: *forgets*


	13. ranboo meets god

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the chapter name is all you need to know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> teleportation go brrrrr

**l’manburg bias**

:tubbox changed remember boys name to memory boy:

big man: why did no one tell me the egg sounds like gollum?

languAhE: IT DOES NOT YOU MUFFIN

sam i am: it does 

time is of the essence: what the honk

captain jack sparrow: oh my god it does??

big man: puffy you’re never active 

captain jack sparrow: i know

tubbox: the egg showed me images of dead families 

technology: what is this egg 

memory boy: lol make an omelette

** :Ranboo POV: **

Ranboo walks around the schoolyard. Slimecicle had recently transferred, so that was cool. 

He turned to see none other than Tommyinnit 

“HELLO RANBOOB.”

“That’s not my name, Tommy.”

Tubbo runs behind Tommy “IT IS NOW BIG MAN.”

“No.”

“oh Ranboob, i’ve been practicing my galactic.” Tommy smiles smugly. “!¡ ⚍ ᓭᓭ ||”

Tubbo looks confused, not understanding the langauge and whatnot. 

“I’m not even gonna translate that.” Ranboo states. 

Wilbur steps out of Philzas car and walks over to the trio. “HELLO BOYS.”

“fuckbur.” Tommy says. 

“Hi Wilbur!” Tubbo smiles.

Ranboo waves. 

“oh, Wilby, do i have a story for you!”

“Tommy dont exploit my flaws!” Ranboo complains. 

Tommyinnit pointedly ignores the hybrid. “So today in english, Ranboo was asked to stand in front of the class and recite a poem or some shit, i don’t know i wasn’t paying attention.”

Tubbo pipes up “RANBOO SAID NO, and he wouldn’t look at Mr. Mulch-“

Tommy cuts him off “SO MR. MULCH WENT ‘look me in the eyes young man’ and ranboo went ‘i’m good, thanks.’ and-“

“Tommy stoppp” Ranboo whines. 

“AND THEN Mr. Mulch clapped, and it startled Ranboo so he looked up, AND THEN they made eye contact and Ranboo SCREECHED-“

“AND TELEPORTED AWAY.” Tubbo finished. 

“well fuck.” Wilbur states. 

Wilbur gives the gremlins + ranboo a ride to the Minecraft House, so they could work on homework. 

Tommy and Tubbo recount the story to Techno who dramatically falls onto the sofa “WERE ALL JUST SIDE CHARACTERS.” 

Ranboo steps outside and picks up a perfectly square block of grass. 

“Ranboo what the fuck are you doing.” Tommy yells 

“Whoops sorry, uh, i forgot?” Ranboo walks back inside still holding the grass. 

Wilbur staresat Ranboo. “come with me, young one.” 

Ranboo blinks. “um okay?”

Wilbur leads Ranboo into the forest. “This way, This way.”

They walk deeper into the forest. “Where are we going?” Ranboo asks. Very confused. 

“To God.” Wilbur ominously replies. 

“oh. okay.”

They walk in silence, for an hour and a half. The forest is thick. Barely any light shines through the trees and the plants are wet with dew (i hate the word dew what the fuck)

“This way, Ranboo, This way.” Wilbur whispers. 

They walk into a clearing. The trees are a little more spread out now, and a small amount of light shines through the branches. 

Wilbur closes his eyes and prays. Not two minutes later a single Bat speaks in a deep booming voice “have you brought more sacrifices?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again, i love you all. 
> 
> There’s an extra chapter today because i have no idea what tomorrow’s gonna be like.


	14. god is dead oh no

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the whiplash i gave myself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahem 
> 
> i couldn’t bring myself to have wilbur try and sacrifice ranboo

“No, not really.” Wilbur states. 

Quackity steps out from behind the bushes. “Come on, man. we had a deal!”

“That was last month.”

Ranboo blinks at the exchange. “are you the dude who works at that ‘Quack and Substance’ truck by fourth street”

“Yes. that is i.” 

Wilbur throws steak at quackity. “Sorry, no live sacrifices this time.”

“That wasn’t the deal.”

“It is now.”

Quackity pulls a water bucket out from behind a tree, and tosses it forwards so the water spills out over Wilbur and Ranboo. 

Ranboo cries out in pain and promptly blacks out. 

“you just RUINED my clothes.” Wilbur states angrily 

Fundy sneaks behind them and Drags ranboo away. 

Wilbur groans “seriously? do i have to get techno involved?”

Quackity falters for a split second. “sure. we can take him.”

Wilbur puts up a hand “hold please.” He carefully takes his phone out of his pocket, and unlocks the screen. 

* * *

** sbi **

fishfucker: we have a problem

innit: what did you do?

knife: wilbur did you steal ranboo?

dadza: *sighs* what happened

innit: shut the fuck up with your dumbass asterisks

* * *

Quackity crosses his arms “Wilbur we dont have all day.”

“Gimme a second, Gimme a second.” 

* * *

** sbi **

fishfucker: ranboo may or may not be unconscious, and burned 

knife: wilbur. soot.

dadza: wil, choose your next words carefully 

fishfucker: quackity may or may not have thrown a bucket of water on him

and fundy possibly dragged ranboo somewhere?

innit: i have never seen technoblade run out of the house that fast

fishfucker: he doesnt even know where i am???

dadza: that’s what you think

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what can i say? 
> 
> lore quackity scares me so much


	15. minecraft people, minecraft.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> all that i could think about was “house hunters” while writing this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahem here you go.

Technoblade angrily looks at his phone, the tracker he strategically placed on Wilbur’s sweater was a smart move. 

“WILBUR SOOT.” he yells, while calming walking through the forest. 

The man in question is standing in between Quackity, and Fundy who’s standing over an unconscious, and mangled Ranboo. 

“Well Hello. Fancy seeing you four here.” Techno states. 

Quackitys eyes widen “Oh, The Blade! my man! what are you doing here?” His voice going an octave higher as he speaks. 

Fundy slowly backs up, Taking Ranboo by the ankle. 

“Stop.” Technoblade pointedly adds, Taking out the Axe of Peace. Which is usually reserved for duels with Dream. 

Fundy drops the ankle. 

“Hey man, that’s not how business works.” Quackity scolds. 

Wilbur frowns “so why exactly do you want ranboo?”

Quackity scoffs, like it’s obvious. “He’s a hybrid.”

Technoblade raises an eyebrow “heh?? i’ve had enough of this.” He swings the axe. however, Quackity ducks in the knick of time. 

“Not cool! Not cool man!” Quackity yelps. 

Fundy slowly recedes “would it help.. if i said i’ve been to London?”

Quackity trips over a branch and Technoblade lands a blow to his shoulder blade with the butt of his axe. 

“WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR.”

Fundy glances around “um um this never happened in London...”

Quackity winces when he moves. His shoulder blade simply shattered. 

Technoblade stalks towards Fundy “Pfft, bruh do you have leather armor on?”

Fundy backs up “i was never asked about clothing in London.”

Ranboo stirs from his position on the ground. “hUh?”

Fundy grabs Quackity and pulls him away. 

“Holy fuck, shit- stop- ow” Quackity complains. 

“what the fuck no i’m SAVING you.” Fundy counters. 

_ blood for the blood god! chat chorus’s  _

Technoblade calmly walks over to the struggling duo, and swings the axe in a very formal and precise fashion. 

_ QuackityHQ was slain by Technoblade using The Axe Of Peace _

_ Fundy was slain by Technoblade using The Axe Of Peace  _

“Alrighty then. Wilbur, help me get the kid home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo 
> 
> what  
> the  
> fuck   
> was karl’s stream? like damn. what a plot twist.


	16. grass block grass block

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> grass block grass block

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we love denial in traumatized monotone men who have trust issues

11:35 pm

saturday

**l’manburg bias**

big man: autocorrect makes up 75% of my typing

technology: i’m shocked 

tubbox: that is okay tommy

big man: fuck off 

samsung refrigerator: why is ranboo buried in grass blocks

time is of the essence: boxed like a fish?

:big man changed ward of the states name to grass block:

grass block: i’ve fallen, and i can’t get up

time is of the essence: he can’t afford life alert 

green blob: whomst the fuck just egged my cell 

sam i am: lolololol 

gogy: take a moment to appreciate how dream is back in jail because he tried speed running in target 

** :wilbur soot to technoblade: **

wilby: sorry for getting the child more trauma 

techny: you’re fine. i don’t care

wilby: you killed two people bruh 

techny: they respawned

:philza added philza to the group chat:

philza: do i sense denial?

wilby: how the fuck did you add YOURSELF to pm’s

philza: i am a father.

wilby: techno killed my son 

i can’t pog through the pain

techny: he respawned at the ocean

wilby: SALLY 

LET ME GO MOURN 

CRIES

philza: technoblade, do you actually not care?

:philza minecraft left the group chat:

techny: what the *censored*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter tommy is gonna steal apples. that is that. complain all you want.


	17. hawtie B-(

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> does hawtie live, or does hawtie DIE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will be out of messaging lololol

** miner 49ers **

big man: ranboo if you eat oreos is it cannibalism? 

ranboo: no?? what the heck??

big crime: ohhHhhhhhhh

big man: oh

ranboo: i’m not a chocolate cookie thing with cream inside 

big man: why did you word that so strange

tubbox: what the fjucuh 

big man: what 

ranboo: what

tubbox: what

ranboo: i hate you guys /hj

tubbox: i’m hjuet 

big man: FUCKYOUUUU

** dream team  ™️ **

colourblind: dream did you just fucking jump out a window 

snapmap: that was dream??

pissbaby: the window was open

so i ran

and jumped 

snapmap: i thought you were a motherfucking bird 

** sbi **

fishfucker: tommy get your fucking rat

it’s on my guitar and i’m gonna get fucking hantavirus

innit: HA

dadza: tommy dont torment your brother. 

knife: i’m gonna call an exterminator

innit: NO LET HAWTIE LIVE

knife: no :)

** l’manburg bias  **

big man: pls

pls

this is improtant 

[Let hawtie live](https://strawpoll.com/rqb31c8ba)

answer the poll pls

green blob: lol hawtie 

grass block: what’s the context 

tubbox: aw hwtie :(

technology: bruh 

anti-jared: GET IT OFF NY GUIATE 

slop: ravhsh bsohldn ba kiles blade

languAhE: hi skeppy

slop: Hello, BadBoyHalo.

big man: is that not terrifying for anyone else???

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi again, ily all /p
> 
> i made a poll for this shit.
> 
> https://strawpoll.com/rqb31c8ba


	18. mcfurious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> more moving the plot forwards, and mcdonald’s action.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahem my writers block abandoned me, theres a possibility of four or five chapters today lolll

Ranboo’s bored to say the least. He went back to the group home the previous day had next to nothing to do. Maybe it was because it was 2 AM but that’s a minor detail. What he really needed was food. So being the half enderman he is, he carefully grabbed a sweatshirt, tied his shoelaces, got his phone, and some money; and teleported outside. 

He walks down the road, stopping at McDonalds, because who doesn’t want a McFlurry in the middle of the night?

Ranboo left the building and turned a corner. He found Wilbur and Tommy yelling about something. Probably sand, orrats.. or lost limbs. you never know with those two. “

“You guys look McFurious.” Ranboo states while sipping on his McFlurry. 

“HEY BIG MAN.” Tommy yelps. 

Wilbur stares at Ranboo with stone cold eyes before bursting out in laughter. “what the fuck?”

Ranboo and Tommy laugh along. The hybrid stops after a few seconds. “so why are you guys all the way out here?”

“Wilbur was saying how breaking you out would be such a good idea and then i tried to climb through an air shaft- you get the point.” Tommy shrugs. 

“I- wow- ok.It’s not PRISON.”

“Eh.” Wilbur pulls his beanie down. “We were bored.”

“So the result of your boredom is a kidnapping?”

“You got it!” Tommy yells. 

“Yeah, i actually have to get back. I’m being sent to another home tomorrow-“

Wilbur and Tommy share a knowing look, before Wilburs eyes glaze over. “Home Home.” he says. 

Ranboo slowly walks away, “Okay, BYE. no more social interactions for tonight.”

Once hes back in the group home he gets into his bed and falls back into the same nightmares he’s grown accustomed to over the years. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi again! B-)
> 
> my 20/400 vision is appreciated in that emoticon. 
> 
> and remember, don’t eat bleach. 
> 
> (it tastes like burning tissue /srs)


	19. i believe i can fly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> music 
> 
> painfully obvious observations 
> 
> and memory loss.
> 
> what’s new?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> last chapter for today, lololol
> 
> ily all /p

Ranboo wakes up in a cold sweat, like usual. He gets ready for the day, suit, tie, and gloves. He’s gotta make a good first impression, right?

An hour or so later Kaitlyn collects him for the new house. 

Ranboo reads through the journals he’s been keeping since the- since, he was seven. Remembering the parts of the past he’s forgotten. 

“So, how are you liking L’Manburg high? Considering you’re staying in the area.” Kaitlyn asks. 

“Um, it’s good. Yeah. Its good.” Ranboo replies, still wrapped up in his own thoughts.

The half Enderman stares out the window. He recognizes the neighborhood, but can’t remember how. 

“Where are we going? i may have forgotten.”

Kaitlyn laughs quietly. “I believe the document said Philza Minecraft was to be your new foster dad.”

Ranboo blinks “wait- what?”

he opens his phone. what else is there to do in the moment. 

* * *

** l’manburg bias **

grass block: @mr. minecraft what did you do?

mr. minecraft: lol, i took technos request from a while back into account 

big man: oh about the fostering ranboo thing

grass block: maybe i have a worse memory than i thought 

anti-jared: you will be free from the jared’s 

technology: did you not know, ranboo?

grass block: is it that obvious? /s

green blob: i believe i can fly

gogy: you can’t. 

green blob: i believe i can touch the sky. 

gogy: you cannot 

samsung refrigerator: let the man live GEORGE 

green blob: i think about it every night and day 

gogy: L

green blob: spread my wings and fly away

gogy: you’re not philza minecraft, idiot. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jared hate club starts here /hj


	20. HAWTIE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> death
> 
> and just idfk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi again, losers. /hj 
> 
> how are you guys? B-)

The car stopped, and Kaitlyn walked Ranboo to the door. 

They were greeted by Phil. 

“Hello, Mr. Minecraft!” Kaitlyn smiles. 

“Hello, Mate.” Philza replies 

Ranboo waves. He’s nervous. He shouldn’t be? right? but he is. 

“Come inside Ranboo.” Philza says after talking to Kaitlyn. 

Ranboos social worker steps back into her car smiling. 

“Um, i, ok.” Ranboo says, walking through the door. 

Philza walks through the halls stopping at a room near the back of the house. “Youll stay here, Tommys down the hall, wilburs the fourth door on the right, and Technos is on the other side of the house. Mines across from his.”

Ranboo writes it all down in his journal “uM- oKay-“ He walks into his room. Phil waves and walks to some other part of the house. 

Ranboo sits on the floor, back up against the wall. There’s a knock on the door. 

“Can i come in?” Wilburs voice rings out. 

“um, yes? sure.” 

Wilbur opens the door and walks in. 

“so... how are you doing?”

“I’m good. i think. not being sacrificed.”

“Sorry about that, you didn’t worship god enough.”

“Right, my bad.”

Wilbur shrugs as he leaves the room “Anyways, hope you’re settling in well. bye.”

Tommy’s yelling ranges throughout the whole house “SOMEONE HELP ME FIND HAWTIE TECHNO SAW THAT THE POLL WON FOR TECHNO KILLING HER HELP SOMEONE.”

Ranboo stares at the frantic blond. 

Technoblade walks down the hall “Heh?”

“Hawtie is missing.” Tommy cries 

“Aw rats.” Ranboo says solemnly

Wilbur laughs “oh tommy, tommy, tommy come on. i’ll take you to the pet store. you can find a healthy animal.”

“but i miss hawtie ( ᗒᗣᗕ ) ՞ “

** :tommyinnit to tubbo_: **

tommy: HAWTIE IS DEAD

like it da bee: i’m sorry :(

sum one keeps lookng ohver my shaulder and it’s weerd 

tommy: meet wilbur and i by target 

help me pick out a pet

like it da bee: okay!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my friend keeps peeking over my shoulder and she’s a conservative everythingphobe  
> it’s really unsettling, anyways. have a good day.


	21. the one in which theyre late for school

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> moving the plot forwards 
> 
> with ENDER WALK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi again, lol

Sunday

4:00 AM

** l’manburg bias **

big man: I GOT A FERRET 

anti-jared: it smells so bad 

tubbox: indeed 

big man: his name is big man

tubbox: yes

technology: big man the ferret 

green blob: what is wrong with this energy???

gogy: lol i like how technos name is technology like techno mythology 

samsung refrigerator: HUH??

grass block: invest in ranbux now 

time is of the essence: imagine if everyone was rich and we all lived in the water

technology: kill off upper middle class 

mr. minecraft: techno...? what-

grass block: one time i fell into a puddle in like 5th grade school and then had a panic attack and cried while sitting in the puddle 

anti-jared: that’s so fucking random

big man: randomboo 

tubbox: [tommyandbigman.png] 

aw tommys gone soft

green blob: what if i killed him

tubbox: TOMMY??

green blob: no the dog rat

big man: DONT YOU DARE YOU MOTHERFUCKING BITCH I WILL KILL YOU I CAN BEAT ANYONE IN A FIGHT DONT MESS WITH ME 

technology: lol

monday

7:00 AM

** l’manburg bias **

tubbox: why is ranboo just- why is- why is he-

[tubbo starts a facetime with group chat]

Tommy answers the call “what the fuck?”

Tubbo flips the camera so that it’s pointing out his window, and facing the ground. “why the hell is he picking up a block and then putting it down and then picking it up again”

Technoblade joins the call “is he outside your house?”

Tubbo flips the camera back to his face. “yes, i don’t know why he’s here.”

Tubbo glances out the window, there’s a grass block on the ground and Ranboo is gone. 

“uh.. guys? i lost him.” Tubbo says quietly. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ily all /p
> 
> if you have any questions or suggestions feel free to leave a comment :)


	22. ranboo in a box, what will he do?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> what has he done?
> 
> how did he get here?
> 
> what does technoblade find?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sort of short chapter, dw another ones on its way.

“What do you mean you LOST him?” Techno emphasizes. “How do you LOSE an incredibly tall enderman hybrid?”

“He was there.. now he’s gone!”

“he’s not gone” tommy flips his camera “he’s walking.. down the street?”

Ranboo blinks out of existence. 

“oh nevermind.”

Technoblade hangs up on the call.

He walks around outside, there’s no way Ranboo can teleport MAJOR distances so he has to be close. 

There were purple particles near.. The beach? that’s odd. 

He walks around the area, noticing footprints at the edge of the sand and a black box under the water.

_Chat goes wild._

> _ blood for the blood god _
> 
> _ ranbrother no! _
> 
> _ can we kill him? _
> 
> _ no! we can’t kill him _
> 
> _ does he know HOW to swim _
> 
> _ technosoft  _
> 
> _ save the poor kid _
> 
> _ panic room panic room panic room _

Techno rolls his eyes, and walks over to the box. He goes inside to see Ranboo, burn marks and all, curled up in a hall and rocking back and fourth. “Ranboo?”

The boy in question doesn’t acknowledge that he’s there. 

Technoblade removes the Mellohi disc from the juke box and sits down by Ranboo. avoiding contact. 

He slowly drapes his cloak around Ranboos shoulders to help ground him to reality. 

Ranboo curls in on himself, gripping the edges of the cloak. 


	23. flower eating pog

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> rushed because i can’t focus right now but im still getting out two chapters a day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have a lot of emotions rn and couldn’t focus on my writing, i’m really sorry guys

It takes a while for Ranboo to calm down, but eventually he gets there. 

“you ok there?” Techno asks calmly. 

“I-“ Ranboo sighs. “i’m. fine. yeah.”

“what happened, if you, y’know. want to share?”

“it’s nothing. really. i’m okay!” Ranboo smiles. 

Techno sighs, not believing a word of it. “Alright. Let’s go home.”

Ranboo nods. 

* * *

wednesday 

5:34 AM

** l’manburg bias  **

grass block: did anyone else ever eat those flowers that were like, behind school fences because they were just THERE 

big man: no???

tubbox: onse 

i was trieing to bee a bee

grass block: oh nice

anti-jared: why did you eat flowers fucking nerds

slimes: ranboo i remember daring you to eat a bouquet of them and you did it

grass block: i had forgotten that 

slimes: :(

grass block: lololololololol

gogy: @green blob will you help me code this thing?

samsung refrigerator: i’ll help 

gogy: fuck off

samsung refrigerator: KARL HE HURT MY FEELINGS 

green blob: sure george 

gogy: thank you

green blob: he likes me better snapmap :happy devil emoji:

samsung refrigerator: bitch 

time is of the essence: hi sapnap :D


	24. you wouldn’t have.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> when things go bad soon after ranboo had an an episode, there’s only one conclusion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi again lol
> 
> we’re getting close to the reveal of ranboos back story 
> 
> and it only took 24 chapters /s
> 
> i spent a half hour doing ranboo inspired nail polish. it’s become an obsession.

8:00 PM

Thursday

** l’manburg bias  **

_green blob:_ did you guys see the news?

time is of the essence: the terrorist fires/explosions around l’manburg?

green blob: yes those 

time is of the essence: oh yes i saw those on the news 

big man: yeah we’re not allowed to stay on school grounds after it ends 

grass block: how odd

tubbox: it’s really strange 

technology: yeah, strange.

anti-jared: it’s jared’s fault. the motherfucker is too hot for it NOT to be him

niACHU: wilbur, what?

samsung refrigerator: lol george and i are trying to get through the police tape 

green blob: without me???

languAhE: you muffins need to be careful 

slop: hello badboyhalo

languAhE: skeppy owo

The Eret: it’s weird because tubbo was freaking out about losing ranboo around 7 am, and that’s when they said the first fire started 

grass block: where are you going with that?

* * *

Ranboo’s panicking. It couldn’t be him? He was ender walking though...

“no it cant be you. you were found in the panic room. but what happened before that?”

there’s a voice in the back of his mind he had thought was gone. 

“it was all you. you knew it could happen again if you weren’t careful yet you put everyone else aside and did it anyways.”

“no, no, no, no. it WASNT” ranboo tries to make himself believe it. 

He sits in the corner of his room. 

“everything is fine. you didn’t do it. you couldn’t have. you WOULDNT have.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all for continuing to read this it means a lot 
> 
> ily you all /p
> 
> please don’t be afraid to ask questions, leave criticism of any kind, and voice opinions on certain topics.


	25. Ranbrother no!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ouch

Ranboo walked into English class. Taking his seat behind Tubbo. 

Mr. Mulch drones on and on about something.

The school day ends after what feels like an eternity. 

He walked away from the school grounds with Tommy. 

“so RANBOOB what was that the other day? like what the fuck it was like you weren’t there but also.. were?”

“It’s um.. ender walking.. it’s like sleepwalking.”

“well that’s cool!”

“you could say that.”

They walk back to the house. Not silently, mind you. That word isn’t in Tommyinnit’s vocabulary. 

They get to the door and hear voices inside. 

“Phil- what Eret said makes sense. Ranboo doesn’t know what he does-“

“Techno, Techno. If Eret is right, it’s not Ranboos fault. some greater force is at play here.”

Tommy glances to ranboo and opens the door “IM HOME!!”

Ranboo uses the distraction to his advantage. Slipping past his foster family and heading to his room. 

“They think it’s you. It must be you.”

Ranboo sinks to the floor. “what have you done? they’re going to hate you.”

* * *

Technoblades eyes go wide as ranboo slips by 

> _ SAD RANBROTHER _
> 
> _ TECHNOBETRAYAL  _
> 
> _ BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD _
> 
> _ RANBOO _
> 
> _ RANBOO NOO _

The pig hybrid takes off down the hall, skidding to a halt at Ranboo’s door. He knocks. 

“Ranboo? i’m sorry, i didn’t mean-“

theres muffled sobbing from behind the door. 

“Ranboo i’m coming in.”

Technoblade slowly opens the door and steps inside. 

“I’m so sorry.” Ranboo gets out. 

“No- like.. like phil said. there’s a greater force at play.”

“You don’t believe that.”


	26. apples :)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> confrontation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter is gonna be gooddad!schlatt
> 
> because tubbo is a child and needs family B-)

“No. I may not. But that’s not what matters. You wouldn’t have done it on purpose. you’re a good kid.”

“Right. Yeah. That’s what people keep telling me.”

Technoblade sits on the floor by Ranboo. 

“Everyone. Since i can remember.. which isn’t very long, but it’s always ‘oh you’re such a good kid’ or ‘you’ve been through so much’ everyone’s sorry, everyone’s dismissive.” Ranboo leans back against the wall. “people see what they want. they think what they want. and- and then you’ve got the people against neutral and hostile mob hybrids- that’s not my fault. but i live with it. and quackity- nevermind. i’m talking too much.”

Technoblade stays quiet for a few minutes. Not knowing how to comfort the kid.“it’s different now. you have people here for you. you have friends. people who care.”

“Do i? Did i not just walk in to you and Phil talking about how i could very well be a terrorist?”

“You did.”

“Yeah.”

Ranboo stands up and leaves his room. Not even looking at Phil and Tommy as he leaves through the front door. 

“Ranboo-“ Techno yells after him, and gets to the main hall just soon enough to watch the purple particles dissipate. 

Tommy blinks “what the fuck-“

Wilbur walks out of his room groggily. “Whatd i miss?”

Techno ignores them. “Phil- whatd i do?”

Philza claps his son on the shoulder. “He’ll be back. give him time to cool off. Remember when tommy stole your apples so you had to go out into the forest to cool off?”

Technoblade nods woefully.

Philza smiles softly. “He’ll be back.”


	27. whatever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wilbur has knowledge

friday 

8:00

** l’manburg bias **

tubbox: wate y isn’t ranboo at skool 

big man: oh i forgot to tell you 

um

grass block: oh hi 

technology: oh wow.

big man: YOUVE BEEN GONE FOR 16 HOURS AND ALL YOU SAY IS ‘oh hi’

tubbox: ranboo why did you go away?

grass block: initially i was gonna go stand in a field for a while and calm down but um that didnt happen

i meant to say something 

but i forgot 

mr. minecraft: so where the fuck are you?

grass block: i have no idea 

anti-jared: ranboo get back when you can

grass block: um yeah i’ll work on that 

quackity said to tell the ‘sex havers’ hi

gogy: tell him goodbye 

time is of the essence: QUACKITY

green blob: why is ranboo in quackitys van 

grass block: oh i have to go my phones getting confiscated 

big man: dammit he was my english partner and did all the work

** SBI **

big man: wait why did ranboob disappear to begin with

fishfucker: oh technoblade uspet him by talking to phil ranboo thought you guys hated him, he panicked, then techno became basic and ranboo got angry because he’s treated like a poor kid because he is one, but that doesn’t mean he’s helpless and now quackity is holding him captive as revenge against technoblade, he’s already died once lol 

dadza: how the fuck do you know that

fishfucker: i have sources 

technology: whatever

dadza: uncalled for


	28. jack frost inspo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Water 
> 
> i can’t summarize for shit oh my god

Ranboo panics. Quackity had him standing in a building underneath a large tub of water. It would splash down every few seconds. He standsas quackity walked around. 

“You got me killed. And why? I was just trying to help. You’re a monster, you’re hostile.” Quackity snarls. 

“i’m the hostile one?”

Ranboo winces as water falls. “There’s no reasoning with you. I’m just gonna-“

He teleports back to the field. Missing the grin on Quackitys face. Did he mean for this to happen?

Ranboo can feel himself losing conscious. 

“not again-“

* * *

He wakes up... back in his room? Why does that seem weird? What happened?

He sits up, Looking for his memory journal, but it’s gone. 

“Oh you’re awake!” Phil says as he walks in the room. “i have some good news and some bad news for you.”

“Start with the bad?”

“Well... that warehouse in the center of town burned two days ago, and you appeared HERE around 18 hours ago, but the good news is you’re okay?”

“Right- you say okay. alright that’s um-“

“RAAANBOO” Tommy yells. Pulling Ranboo out of his room and out the door. “This way, Follow me, Yes, this way. It snowed and now you’re coming.”

“Tommy- i- what?” 

Ranboo, who doesn’t even have shoes on stands on the doorstep. Trying to avoid the wet spots. 

Tommy walks out to a shed and comes back with ice skates. “There’s a pond over there. Come on.” He tosses the skates to ranboo who jumps out of the way 

“DUDE those are HEAVY and SHARP.”

“Whoops. Hurry up.”

Ranboo carefully puts the skates on and heads towards the pond where tommys waiting. 

“How bad am i gonna regret this?” He asks. 

“None. Not at all.”

“Right.”

They skate for a while. Ranboo ultimately struggling. And suddenly, Cracks spread through the ice. 

“Oh fuck!” Tommy yells. Scrambling across. 

Ranboo freezes. This can’t happen. Not again. No no no no- He slips through. A whole host of memories swarming his vision. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter is going to be a flacshback no current events


	29. flashback time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yall 
> 
> backstory time 
> 
> memory loss is a traumatic response that ranboos mind developed overtime to help him cope. 
> 
> TW for um, pain, and bad parenting and such

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was crying before i wrote this due to a panic attack caused by 
> 
> “...friends...”
> 
> then ranboo started streaming.

“Oh Ranboo!” The voice of his father shouts from downstairs. 

“Dada?” Ranboo asks, walking into the kitchen to greet his father. 

“You’re six now. How many times do i need to tell you NOT to leave papers lying around?”

“It’s a picture i drew for school!” Ranboo smiles happily “Look it’s gr-“ 

“No, No, No. you’re a burden for us. Your mother and i have put up with your whining-“

“SCOTT HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING AGAIN?” a sickly feminine voice yells. 

“No, Loraine!”

“LIAR.”

a plump middle age women stalks into the kitchen. “You good for nothing ass spend all our money on alcohol. AND YOU-“ she turns to ranboo “you’re just a waste of space. you cant do anything for yourself.”

Ranboo nods. They’re right of course. He quietly excuses himself to his room and tries to tune out the sounds of his parents yelling. 

Three hours or so pass and Ranboo stays curled up with a blanket over his shoulders. 

“it’s okay. you’re okay. it’ll be fine.” He mumbles to himself, rocking back and fourth. 

There’s heavy footsteps up the stairs. 

“RANBOO.” His father yells. A harsh tone to his voice. 

“Dada?” Ranboo asks quietly. Stepping out of his room. Still gripping the blanket. 

“Come with me.” The man grips the half enderman by the back of the shirt and drags him out to the car. 

“Dada.. what happened?” Ranboo whispers. Catching a glimpse of his mother’s unconscious form. 

“Nothing.” His father smiles, pushing ranboo into the back seat of the car. “Seat belt.”

Ranboo obliges. Not really sure what’s going on. He clings to his blanket. 

Ranboo sits in the back quietly. Wondering what could’ve happened. He doesn’t notice when his dad makes a sharp turn and jumps out of the car. He doesn’t notice when he speeds towards the side of the bridge. He doesn’t notice until the car dives towards the water. He doesn’t have enough time to yell. 

Ranboo is engulfed in water. He can feel it scorching his skin and burning in his lungs. He needs to get out. It hurts. He can feel as it sears into his skin. Leaving rashes and burns across his body. He writhes and screams in pain. 

And then, Everything goes dark. 

The six year old wakes up, still holding onto the blanket in a field. 

He ached all over. His clothes rubbing against stinging burns. He dragged himself under a tree. Wincing with every breath. 

“we’re okay. it’s okay. we’re okay.”

He cries. He cries for his mother. He cries for himself, and he cries for Jonald who he will never see again. 

He cries until he sleeps. 

When he wakes up, again, hours later, he finds a small ball of fluff to his right. 

It looks like.. a cat?

“I’m going to call you Enderchest.”

(RIP Jjjjjjjjeffery)

The cat purrs and sits on the child’s lap. He pets her gently. 


	30. here take some fluff

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the one in which

Tommy runs into the house. Looking to see if anyone’s home. “HELLOOOO”

Techno walks out of his room. “Tommy what?”

“Ranboo fell!”

Techno rushes outside the the broken ice. 

“AND YOU LEFT HIM??”

“I went to get HELP.”

Technoblade uses his axe to break the ice and pulls Ranboo out from under it. “How long as he been down here?”

Tommy shrugs “five minutes or so?”

“Tommy-“ Techno sighs. “Alright. Help me get him inside.”

Tommy shrugs and grabs Ranboos ankle. Barely helping techno. 

“i thought you didn’t care.” Tommy remarks. 

“Shut up. Child.”

They take Ranboo inside. There doesn’t appear to be any water in his lungs, but the burns are prominent. 

“Get me some health pots please.”

Tommy hurries away and comes back with the potions. They’re idly shoved down ranboos throat for lack of other way to force a child to drink stuff. 

Ranboo eventually comes around to consciousness. “Wh-Where am i?”

Techno points around. “Home.”

“Oh. Okay.”

Tommy runs in the room when he hears voices. “RANBOO YOURE NOT DEAD HOLY FUCKING SHIT I WAS WORRIED BUT YOURE NOT DEAD YOU BITCH.”

Ranboo laughs nervously at the outburst. “whoops?”

* * *

3:45

Monday

** l’manburg bias **

grass block: water makes me remember things about WATER 

tubbox: it’s wet

grass block: yes. very. very. very. very. very. it is the epitome of wet 

tubbox: yes ranboo, we have been over this. /j

grass block: how dare /j

technology: GO TO BED 

grass block: my goodness tubbo? does he expect us to listen?

tubbox: surely not!

grass block: there’s someone at my door

someone at my door

no

it’s technoblade 

my will gives everything i own to the grass 

tubbox: bye

grass block: i feel my life force diminishing 

holy cow this man is not giving up

technoblade the door is locked

oh nvm

he broke the handle off

the door is open

AHHHH

* * *

technoblade does what any good brother would do. He takes Ranboos phone and puts it to the side, before handing him a bowl of popcorn.

“Follow me, Follow me.”

Techno whisper yells. 

“I’m going???” Ranboo follows Technoblade into the living room. 

“What are we doing out here?” Ranboo asks quietly. 

“Watching a movie. Now, your choices are Troy, or despicable me.”

“greek mythology or adoption. i choose the second one.”

“okay- fine. are you sure?”

“yep. pretty sure. i’d rather not watch ancient greek hero’s tragically perish at 4 in the morning.”

“heh?? fine.”

They sit on the couch and watch the movie. Thirty or so minutes in Techno looks over and notices that his broth- Ranboo. is asleep.

“night kid.” Techno mumbles. 


	31. sapnap slander

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ahem
> 
> we’re back to the chatfic part that i can actually WRITE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m sorry for the awful chapters before this B-)

5:30

Monday

** l’manburg bias **

anti-jared: i just walked out of my room

as one does

looking for some mule leftovers in the fridge

and passed by the living room

and had to do a double take because i wasn’t sure of what i saw

:sleeping.hybrid.brothers.png:

i need to add ranboo to the sbi gc

green blob: TECHNOSOFT L

gogy: i wish i could sleep 

samsung refrigerator: shut up george 

gogy: you shut up

samsung refrigerator: shut up

gogy: shut up

samsung refrigerator: fuck you

gogy: fuck you

anti-jared: ranboo just woke up and put sonic on

he just jumped up and started talking about death in a sonic voice

grass block: :sonic voice message: I hate it here

tubbox: L

green blob: george and sapnap just broke my window 

gogy: it was on purpose 

samsung refrigerator: IM LOCKED IN THE GODDAMN BATHROOM


	32. i worry for wilbur

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> anti-jared: i can’t understand any of that but i feel threatened 
> 
> grass block: good

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dudududu

** l’manburg bias **

time is of the essence: any askers?

samsung refrigerator: KARL COME HELP ME 

time askers: why don’t you ask nicely nimrod 

grass block: lol

languAhE: *gasp emoji*

grass block: PLEASE

STOP

slop: tjaus do tife 

tubbox: ha yea

languAhE: be nice skeppy!

slop: okay badboyhalo

samsung refrigerator: so can you unlock the door now...

gogy: no :)

green blob: what george said 

time is of the essence: dream let me in i’ve been knocking for three minutes 

green blob: whoops sorry karl

anti-jared: please tell ranboo to stop being depressed sonic 

grass block: my life is a lie! everything was a lie! i forgot!

anti-jared: no

technology: don’t be mean to the kid

anti-jared: L

big man: HA

grass block: ╎ ⍑𝙹!¡ᒷ ||𝙹⚍ ᓭ⚍⎓⎓ᒷ∷ ᔑ ᓭꖎ𝙹∴ !¡ᔑ╎リ⎓⚍ꖎ ↸ᒷᒲ╎ᓭᒷ ℸ ̣ ⍑ᔑℸ ̣ꖎᒷᔑ⍊ᒷᓭ ||𝙹⚍∷ ᓵꖎ𝙹ᓭᒷᓭℸ ̣⎓∷╎ᒷリ↸ᓭ ᔑリ↸ ⎓ᔑᒲ╎ꖎ|| ∴ᒷᒷ!¡╎リ⊣ ᔑᓭ ||𝙹⚍ ᓭꖎ𝙹∴ꖎ|| ↸╎ᓭ╎リℸ ̣ ᒷ⊣∷ᔑℸ ̣ ᒷ ᔑリ↸ ⊣𝙹 ℸ ̣ ⍑∷𝙹⚍⊣⍑╎ᒲᒲᒷリᓭᒷ ᔑ⊣𝙹リ|| 𝙹リꖎ|| ℸ ̣ 𝙹 ʖᒷ ᓭᔑ⍊ᒷ↸ ꖎᔑᓭℸ ̣ᒲ╎リ⚍ℸ ̣ ᒷ ʖ|| ∴⍑𝙹ᒷ⍊ᒷ∷ ||𝙹⚍ ⍑𝙹ꖎ↸ ᒲ𝙹ᓭℸ ̣↸ᒷᔑ∷ᔑリ↸ ℸ ̣ ⍑ᒷリ ⎓𝙹∷ ℸ ̣ ⍑ᒷᒲ ℸ ̣ 𝙹 ᓭℸ ̣ ᔑʖ ||𝙹⚍ ╎リ ℸ ̣ ⍑ᒷ ʖᔑᓵꖌ ᔑリ↸ ꖎᒷᔑ⍊ᒷ ||𝙹⚍ ╎リ ᔑリ⊣⚍╎ᓭ⍑ :)

anti-jared: i can’t understand any of that but i feel threatened 

grass block: good


	33. always calm autocorrect for your problems

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> autocorrect did it.

** SBI **

:fishfucker changed their name to mr. sandman:

mr. sandman: i must lead by example 

innit: what the fuck

:mr. sandman added Ranboo to the chat:

knife: oh no

:innit changed knife’s name to orphan slayer:

orphan slayer: TOMMY

innit: whoops

Ranboo: hello i think 

dadza: welcome ranboo

Ranboo: um hello

:innit changed ranboos name to orphan:

mr. sandman: welcome ranboo i hope you enjoy or stay

innit: AYE THE HOTEL GETTUP IS MY THING YOU BITCH

orphan slayer: well then

orphan: dont slay me mr. blade

innit: BAHAHAHAHAHEHA

dadza: dinner is at four thirty 

innit: who TYPES OUT times

orphan: who puts emphasis on words like that? /j

forgive me

please

i meant nothing by it

mr. sandman: why are you carrying a grass block, mate

orphan: grass block 

innit: is ranboo even a orphan

orphan: bad grammar 😁👍

dadza: bruh 

mr. sandman: i just translated ranboos message from the other gc 

dude

orphan slayer: are you dying in anguish?

orphan: I AM SO SORRY IT WAS AN ACCIDENT I WAS JUST TYPING LETTERS UM DARN AUTOCORRECT WHAT CAN I SAY WHOOPS

dadza: nice save


	34. tommy uses big words (for the first and last time)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> karl wants his monster
> 
> insomnia 
> 
> skeppy
> 
> schlatt 
> 
> please this is my worst summary yet

4:30 AM

Wednesday

** l’manburg bias **

tubbox: why is ranboo always awake late on school nights?

grass block: you’re the one texting 

tubbox: yeah because u just sent me a enttyre paragraf about how walruses are just sea elephants with more hair and small noses 

grass block: THAT IS NOT WHAT I SAID

i said walruses were LIKE sea elephants but also not because they have fins so theyre seals with tusks. 

tubbox: my dads out of rehab

green blob: schlatt is so scary what the fuck

big man: don’t be mean to tubbo you bitch

technology: ranboo go to sleep

big man: what about me?

technology: did i say tommy?

big man: bitch

slop: laybage

big man: what you illiterate asshole 

anti-jared: thats the biggest word ive ever seen you use. 

grass block: i’m going to 7/11 does anyone want anything?

technology: how the fuck did you get out of the house???

grass block: enderman. 

time is of the essence: can i have a white monster please?


	35. shocking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ha ha ha puns

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sometimes i forget i have knees.

**l’manburg bias**

grass block: i’m back 

time is of the essence: he just honking teleported into my house 

gave me a monster

and disappeared 

samsung refrigerator: oh shit

grass block: eat it

tubbox: @technology is ranboo doing okay?

big man: BIG MAN WANTS GRAPES

grass block: can ferrets even eat grapes?

:anti-jared changed big mans name to dracoinnit:

anti-jared: goodnight hooligans 

grass block: sleep is for the weasel 

tubbox: huh

grass block: i meant weak

mr. minecraft: get off the fucking power line

grass block: i’m shocked 


	36. cries in ponks Dream Smp title part 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> flying snapmaps

11:36 PM

Friday

** l’manburg bias **

tubbox: tommy just dared ranboo to walk under a tree and it started raining 

grass block: not only that

we’re in a field 

and he chopped down the rest of the trees

technology: tommyinnit

big man: TECHNOBLADE MY MAN LMAOO NOTHING TO SEE HERE

:anti-jared changed their name to sand:

mr. minecraft: lol don’t die

sand: boo

samsung refrigerator: i’m.. still... in the bathroom...

time is of the essence: oh yeah dream wouldn’t let me in so i just left you

gogy: lol jump out the window 

samsung refrigerator: it’s the third floor???

gogy: yes, and?

samsung refrigerator: true true 

time is of the essence: :sapnapcanfly.png:

sand: whats that one tiktok trend where the person falls to that sound 

slimes: splat

grass block: i’m scared of all of you

schlatt: hello

i’m here

so fragrant 

tubbox: d a d

schlatt: tubbo

green blob: HEY MY PRISONER IS GONE

niACHU: does anyone have any salmon? :)

ponk: hypothetically

how do you keep someone out of a woo station after they saw a sign saying stay out and then you commit a grand theft and now you feel guilty 

but

hypothetically

how do fix problems 

grass block: @tubbox it’s your time to shine

The Eret: i can confirm @tubbox talk to the man


	37. uh oh spaghettio

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just lost so bad at the stupid video game

** l’manburg bias **

grass block: sam has killed me eight times

in such a short amount of time :,)

sam i am: sorry ranboo :)

technology: i’m sorry,,,, WHAT??

tubbox: he means at COD ghost

grass block: the DOGs have killed me SIX times 

i hate the prison break map with a passion

sam i am: :)

time is of the essence: sapnap just.. he just.. my sweater...

samsung refrigerator: IT WAS AN ACCIDENT I PROMISE

gogy: you once promised that you loved me, look where that got us  🙄

samsung refrigerator: i’m so sorry karl i’llbuy you a new one

green blob: george :(

gogy: stfu

time is of the essence: YOU BURNED IT

sand: pog


	38. yoinked appears vaguely

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hello   
> i just finished screaming because of technos stream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BUT TECHNOS STREAM WHAT THE FUCKKKK

** l’manburg bias **

languAhE: remember that trap i built as a joke in the park that sam fell in?

ranboo just fell down

there’s water

puffy: BAD

technology: um, what? excuse me??

grass block: I DIDNT DO ANYTHING UM YEAH I DIDNT??

sam i am: bad! i told you to fill that in 

languAhE: whoops..?

slop: are you okay badboyhaylo?

technology: skeppy get outta here

slop: ym gruinv wn grounf 

grass block: i feel like the wicked witch of the west 

sand: lol mood

grass block: only more burning and less melting 

samsung refrigerator: father why have you dug holes

green blob: heheh sapnaps locked in the bathroom again

gogy: dude

grass block: m nice nice nice

tubbox: burnedboo 

big man: big man sends his regards 

technology: i just yoinked a kid out of a hole. Bad where are you?

languAhE: running. 

time is of the essence: LOL

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> remember way back when, when ranboo said he would have to trust them a lot before he could tell them about the enderwalk and dreams voice?
> 
> sobs


	39. the whiplash

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> happy valentine’s day
> 
> i’m gonna do a non-text chapter later cause bleh. i’m gonna actually TRY so the writing won’t be awful.

l **’manburg bias**

grass block: why did someone walk up to me, hand me a box of chocolates and run away i’m so confused 

big man: ranboob took my future gf

grass block: linda from history?

tubbox: you should give me the chocolate 

gogy: oh caliecties day

green blob: what??

gogy: valentine’s***

green blob: oh 

time is of the essence: sapmeister will you be my valentine 

samsung refrigerator: no i was asking george 

gogy: i will not be your valentine. 

samsung refrigerator: ok karl you’re my valentine now 

time is of the essence: i don’t want you 

green blob: what did i just watch 

gogy: :)

samsung refrigerator: :)

time is of the essence: :)

big man: D: i need a wife 

sand: you are a child 

sam i am: happy valentine’s day :)


	40. Valentine’s part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a valentine’s day party hosted by wilbur. what could go wrong?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoops sorry it’s late today’s been rough lmao

Ranboo was still weirded out. First he falls in a hole, Then the next day his.. friends? can he call them that? do they think of him as a friend? seemingly FIGHT over a day.

“Ranboo you better get out here. IM hosting the Valentines party this year, and because it’s your first you’re the guest of honor.” Wilbur states proudly. 

Ranboo blinks. “Um, yeah, okay. But WHY?”

Wilbur shrugs. “Youll see.”

An hour or so later the doorbell rings. 

“Wilbur open the fucking door!” George yells, after ringing for a solid minute. 

Wilbur opens the door revealing an annoyed George, which is a common occurrence, and a wheezing Dream. 

“Please, be careful. For you know it’s not my house.” He formally jokes. 

Ranboo stands to the side of the room. Not sure what to do. It’s not like hes every had a tightly knit friend group with people who actually care before. 

Technoblade groans, walking out into the hall. “UgH it’s the homeless man again. Wilbur can’t we just give him some money and tell him to leave?” 

Dream shrugs, smiling frombehind his mask. “Aw Techno, you missed me so much!”

Karl just.. appears in the center of he room with a disgruntled Sapnap. 

Ranboo blinks “What just happened-“

Nikki walks in the door happily. “Hi!”

Puffy follows her in. 

Karl laughs, although he looks a little distressed. “Sapnap wouldn’t leave so we would’ve been late but i jumped- and uh yeah!”

Sapnap scowls. “Dude you’re just putting yourself at risk.”

“Oh well!” Karl says brightly. (sir??)

Sam walks through the door that just so happens to be ajar. He could’ve sworn it was a door but.. y’know. 

Ponk walks in a few minutes later. Mans is sad about his Woo Station failure. 

Wilbur smirks “because there’s no need for this to be a holiday other than an excuse to party and drink-“ He glances at Tubbo and Tommy who had a sleepover the night before, “Soda! Were going to play a good old fashion game of TRUTH OR DARE.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i will be posting part 2 tomorrow because i don’t have the mental capacity to finish today, i’m sorry and i hope you all have/had a good day


	41. m e n t a l l y t a x i n g

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a terrible chapter a day late. i’m so sorry

Tommy claps. “ALRIGHT.”

Tubbo nods. “That’ll be fun.”

The group takes seats in a circle. 

Philza sighs. Knowing that these parties are never simple. 

“GEORGE TRUTH OR DARE.” Sapnap yells. 

George blinks, surprised at being called first “Um... Truth?”

Sapnap pouts. He had wanted to dare George. “Uh okay, uMmmm least favorite... color?”

“Red, because it looks brown. Tommy truth or dare?”

“Dare!” Tommy yells. 

“I dare you to go yell ‘Georgenotfound doesn’t like me’ because usually you say we’re friends.” George jokes. 

Tommy pouts. “oh you wound me.” But opens the window and yells at pedestrians anyway. 

“Dream, Truth or dare?” The child asks. 

“Dare.” Dream doesn’t miss a beat. 

“I dare you to go sit on sapnaps lap.”

“HES LIKE A SKY SCRAPER.” Sapnap complains. 

Dream laughs and tackles sapnap. 

“hm... Ranboo, Truth or Dare?”

“Um.. i mean.. well.. truth?”

“Well that’s boring. Whats your worst fear?”

“Oh...” Ranboo trails off. “There’s a lot.”

Dream shrugs. “good enough.”

“Yeah.. Tubbo, truth or dare?”

“Dareeeee”

“I dare you to go make friends with that bee outside.”

Tubbo walks outside and sits on the grass. He patiently waits for the bee to land on his shoulder. 

“He’s not coming back inside.” Tommy states. 

“In that case, Sammy Wammy, TRUTH OR DARE?” Ponk asks. 

Sam shrugs “Dare?”

“hug me.”

Sam laughs, but obliges. 

Karl gets bored and pushes Dream off Sapnap. 

“WHAT WAS THAT FOR?” Dream whines 

Karl shrugs. 

“Anyways, Um... Puffy! Truth or Dare?”

Puffy immediately responds. “Dare.”

“I dare you to eat a lemon rind...?” 

Puffy shrugs. “Sure, Man.” She takes a lemon, peeling off the rind. 

“Technoblade, Truth or Dare?” 

Techno scowls “Truth?”

“When did you stop disliking orphans?”

“I met a nice one. Wilbur truth or dare?”

Wilbur grimaces. “Uh, Dare?”

“Sing YNBF at the top of your lungs.”

Wilbur sighs. “Fine. LIFE ISNT QUITE WHAT I THOUGHT IT BE- (and so on)”

“BRAVO BRAVO GOOD JOB BIG MAN.” Tommy applauds. 

The game continues for a while, Different energies and so on. People leave eventually, and then it settles down (dude this was so rushed i am incredibly sorry) 


	42. updating while watching streams pog

** l’manburg bias **

grass block: it can’t be bullying if it’s funny

big man: you just saved me from three years of debt

tubbox: no you still owe me. 

grass block: wait no i take it back 

technology: ranboo what did you do

grass block: i don’t fucking know

wait

i mean

no??

uh

um 

bye

bye

sand: the fuck

languAhE: LANGUAGE YOU MUFFINS 

green blob: i’m actually a white blob with a green screen so fuck you all

samsung refrigerator: i’m good actually

time is of the essence: no thanks

gogy: it’s too early for this

green blob: it’s 6:30 PM???

gogy: yes, early. 

samsung refrigerator: bitch

slop: yhu medj bejkoy heqlo chy 

:big man changed slops name to shkeppy:

gogy: no one understands you

The Eret: lewl 

manifall: hi guys

niACHU: hi!!

big man: fuck off 

shkeppy: fnuc ghu slk 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sobs in jeffery davis villain arc
> 
> (no like i’m actually writing an essay on it, and my teacher is fine with it- american history is only fun when it’s fictional)
> 
> also, please comment SHIPS you want incorporated because i need more motivation


	43. self projection from my essay lmaooo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dream is jeffery davis?? confirmed??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comment ships or content you want to see in later chapters because i’m out of motivation B-)

l’manburg bias 

big man: i fucking hate choking on ice cubes 

sand: lmao

big man: stfu u bitch

sand: lmao

grass block: why have soda when you can have.... SPARKLING WATER MIXED WITH IMMENSE AMOUNT OF SUGAR AND CAFFEINE MADE UP TO TASTE LIKE SOFT DRINKS

big man: ...

tubbox: you just broke tommy

gogy: i’m going back to bed. away from you annoying ass children. 

technology: anyone wanna spar?

green blob: MEEE

technology: perish. 

green blob: :(

technology: :) 

samsung refrigerator: heh

:time is of the essence changed sapnaps name to refrigegaytor:

refrigegaytor: what the fuck karl

time is of the essence: nimrod

big man: ALL YOU FUCKING BITCHES CAN SUCK IT OH MY GOD DIE

grass block: i just ate out a window 

big man: THE FUCK??

grass block: jumped*

tubbox: how did that turn into that 

grass block: i’m on the roof of a church is this legal 

technology: no.

grass block: lol jeffery davis super villain arc

big man: who???

grass block: the dream of the american 1800s just with more older siblings 

big man: the f u c k

tubbox: ???

green blob: fuck you

grass block: :)


	44. hunger games simulator? pog

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> what happens when wilbur finds a hunger games simulator?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AGAIN PEOPLE PLEASE LEAVE COMMENTS ABOUT WHAT YOU WANNA SEE IN FUTURE CHAPTERS AND SHIPS PLS I WANNA MAKE A SHIP POLL SO I NEED CONTROVERSY

** l’manburg bias **

sand: i put everyone in a hunger games simulator 

tubbo just killed tommy

big man: what the fuck tubbo

sand: dream received an explosive

tubbox: sorry tommy

grass block: lol

sand: oh ranboo you’re thinking about winning

grass block: pog

technology: heh??

sand: you’re treating an infection 

OH TUBBO KILLED ERET

TRIGGER HAPPY MOTHER FUCKER

tubbox: sorey 

shkeppy: gm y uqvolced?

sand: you poisoned karl 

time is of the essence: HEY YOU NIMROD

shkeppy: gitch 

sand: RANBOO STABBED TECHNO IN THE BACK 

technology: foreshadowing???

grass block: D: no

sand: RANBOO IT SAYS YOURE QUIETLY HIMMING 

(i have tommys vod on from yesterday in the background and he went “i also watched the hunger games recently” what the fuck)

ranboo: is humming 

sand: ant convinced skeppy to snuggle 

PHILZA MINECRAFT DONT SCREAM FOR HELP

mr. minecraft: ???

sand: “philza minecraft tends to wilburs wounds” i love you father

mr. minecraft: ok

sand: OH MY GOD PHILZA MINECRAFT YOU JUST KILLED RANBOO

ranboo: foreshadowing??

sand: NO PHILZA MINECRAFT DIED

@manifall i fucking hate you you can’t scare me off

manifall: what???

sand: YOU DECAPITATED ME

manifall: ha

technology: foreshadowing??

sand: i fucking hate you how did you win

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that first note was aggressive lol
> 
> stay in school kids
> 
> heres the season link lolol 
> 
> https://brantsteele.net/hungergames/r.php?c=HUe7Cp7L


	45. w o OH oAh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dudududu

Sunday

3:24 

** l’manburg bias  **

shkeppy: chn sjmnw gelf xu donedone haled nurb eangs hloes 

grass block: i caught none of that

tubbox: ranboo can u take showers?

grass block: ???

tubbox: cause you don’t smell bad D:

grass block: ???? enderman don’t sweat B-)

big man: get the fuck out of here with your sunglasses 

grass block: *gets the fuck out*

big man: ASTERISKS 

tubbox: goodnight

big man: bye tubbo

lol i remember when i was GASLIGHTED 

and kicked out of the friend group TWICE

grass block: thats rough bud

big man: DIE

grass block: okay mr. innit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i fucking ran out of off brand ginger ale flavoring to put in my soda stream  
> and bed bath and beyond is so far away
> 
> sobs


	46. it’s a chapter all right

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> self projecting into the fact that my sister is facetiming her friend, i’m babysitting her, and she won’t let me change the tv from descendants

4:30

** SBI **

knife: i wake up at 4:26

walk downstairs, because y’know. kitchen. food. 

and i find ranboo CRYING in front of the TV watching descendants

ranboo: dude i told you, MAL CHANGED HER ENTIRE PERSONALITY JUST BECAUSE SHE WANTED TO FIT IN

AND THEY DIDNT DO HER JUSTICE 

SHE CHANGED COMPLETELY

and then in the second movie she went “fuck it i’m done repressing myself”

innit: what the fuck

fish fucker: ranboo, you’re so incredibly right. i’m coming downstairs 

dadza: sleep you fuckers 

Ranboo was staring at the TV as Mal gave her whole “i want to be good” speech and put her fist out. 

He turns to Wilbur “wouldn’t it have been funny if they just DIDNT agree and then stole the wand.”

“Character development.” Wilbur remarks. 

Technoblade wipes tears from his eyes at the beauty of the speech. “Shut up, Both of you.”

Tommy tiptoes out into the room with popcorn. “I’m not missing the descendants marathon.”

“How is this trilogy so TERRIBLE, and yet so attention-grabbing.” Ranboo whispers. 

The other three just shrug. 


	47. the events that lead up to the 16th

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i rewatched the season one final earlier. sigh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey kids i’m scared of the mailman

** l’manburg bias **

green blob: i just realized ranboo doesn’t know THE STORY

sand: oh it’s such a good story- how havent we told him??

big man: thats such a terrible story

tubbox: i agree tommy

technology: @grass block how much green mythology do you know?

grass block: um,, i forgot?

gogy: oh it’s THIS story

sapnap: hell yeah

schlatt: oh no

green blob: it all started when friendgroups intermingled 

gogy: why the fuck did you say intermingled 

green blob: george, sapnap, and i were lifelong besties 

refrigegaytor: what the fuck is with your wording 

green blob: we were in a class with a pig hybrid who i immediately started a fight with

technology: bruh 

green blob: then his twin with mop hair came and yelled at us 

gogy: you*

green blob: we became friends

:big man changed sand’s name to wilby:

wilby: how the fuck is that the story?

green blob: sapnap was partnered with bad for a project 

languAhE: my friends were sam, ant, and skeppy :)

green blob: so we decided “oh well fuck it”

gogy: yes we decided “oh well fuck it” in fourth grade. 

schlatt: quackity and i were sitting at a picnic bench 

time is of the essence: i appeared. 

green blob: so we decide we’re ALL doing the project because same class

gogy: dream decided he had to be the leader 

schlatt: OH SO HE FUCKING WALKED OVER TO THE TABLE I WAS AT AND STOOD ON IT-

mr. minecraft: i made techno and wilbur take 5 year old tommy with them

schlatt: i was literally the only adult there and was so confused when this kid pushed past me and jumped on a table

green blob: i gave the plan blah blah blah

The Eret: Wilbur also wanted to lead the group 

wilby: DREAM EXILED ME FROM THE TABLE and i took tommy with me

techno was an edgy fucker so everyone was scared of him

tubbox: i was playing on the swings and tommy and wilbur angrily walked over

grass block: what the fuck 

schlatt: these kids WORSHIPPED ME

green blob: it went on for MONTHS our group was manburg, and tommy, tubbo, techno, wilbur, nikki, half eret, quackity, fundy and a few others i believe were pOgToPiA

wilby: ERET BETRAYED US

HE GAVE OUT OUR LOCATION AND THEN DREAM AND HIS GOONS DESTROYED OUR PROJECT 

grass block: thats rough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that note at the top wasn’t a lie. i’m terrified of mail trucks and vans and such in general.


	48. part two of the chapter before this

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> finishing the story lol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was listening to the lemon demon/mcyt songs playlist while writing. sigh. it’s stuck at 69 songs forever.

** l’manburg bias **

green blob: so anyways 

we all got silly string and various other children deemed weapons

technology: i brought fireworks and a sword lol

green blob: wilbur had rigged a bunch of coca-cola bottles everywhere at the park, and under all the benches

wilby: i set it up so that if i pressed a button all of these mentos would fall in

sam i am: ngl it was pretty awesome

green blob: so we fought

schlatt: i was sticking around and helping manburg.

tubbox: lol i was against you

schlatt: you were six

green blob: ANYWAY MANBURG FORFEITED

wilby: we all gathered in the middle of the playground 

schlatt: i had blacked out

tubbox: i thought he had a heart attack

wilby: MY DAD APPEARED BEHIND ME 

I SAID THE SAME THING A FORMER FRIEND HAD ONCE SAID “it was never meant to be” AND I PRESSED THE BUTTON

THE SODAS EXPLODED SPRAYING EVERYONE

IT DESTROYED BOTH OF THE PROJECTS 

I YELLED “IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE DONE AS A TEAM, THE THING THAT WE FORMED THIS GROUP FOR DOESNT EXIST ANYMORE” MY UNFINISHED SYMPHONY WAS NEVER TO BE FINISHED

gogy: i built a fairy garden under a mushroom. 

mr. minecraft: i watched as my son became an edgelord at age 10. 

technology: tommy betrayed me so i threw a sparkler at him

big man: you burnt my shirt

grass block: lol you guys were very creative 

wilby: IF I COULDNT HAVE A PROJECT NO ONE COULD

green blob: still salty i see

wilby: *spits in your face*

green blob: *is astounded*

grass block: *forgets*

big man: then you arrived ranboob

grass block: i’m questioning more and more what i got myself into. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please
> 
> comment ships
> 
> i need to make a poll


	49. :) *war flashbacks*

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i made a whole fucking playlist of lemon demon and mcyt related songs. what is this loophole i’ve fallen into?
> 
> anyways that’s the inspo i suppose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey again guyssss
> 
> i have a spite outfit
> 
> it’s cuffed jeans and flannel
> 
> because my main friend group are high key conservative people who find anything different from them v bad
> 
> so spite outfit because i cannot get a word in around these people lol

** l’manburg bias **

big man: so many chapters

technology: heh??

big man: like an onion

layers 

upon layers

of messages

grass block: lol ok if i ever saw abraham lincoln with an AK-47 or a machete i would cry

lemon demon my savior 

wilby: i have acquired my son

funding: i’m not your fuckin son

schlatt: so aggressive 

big man: ranboob why are you listening to music in a corner 

grass block: i feel like it and don’t call me ranboob

big man: you’re so fucking boring 

grass block: HELP A TALLER THAN AVERAGE BUT SHORTER THAN ME BLONDE ANGRY CHILD IS DRAGGING ME OUT OF THE HOUSE WHAT THE HELL IS THIS

languAhE: LANGUAGE

shkeppy: dynt cjss 

technology: tommy don’t hurt him

wilby: have fun *finger wave*

big man: what the fuck

tubbox: can i come?

big man: i suppose 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anyways! i’m here for you all and i’m so grateful that i’ve even gotten this far, like DAMN those stats
> 
> anyways, stay hydrated, blah blah normal stuff don’t freeze and take care of yourselves and eat your vegetables. <3


	50. CHAPTER FIFTY??????

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it’s been 50 chapters. we’re heading back into angst.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> seeing as these are the characters,
> 
> dream is a v bad person
> 
> and quackitys character scares me so much B-)

Ranboo let himself be dragged outside the house, because how is one supposed to fight Tommyinnit? 

“RANBOOB HURRY THE FUCK UP WE NEED TO MEET THE BEE BOY AT PRIME STREET

Ranboo misses his days of sitting in the corner listening to Lemon Demon.

They half run down the road taking a left and waiting for Tubbo. 

The tubbo in question (or the only tubbo but y’know) 

“TUBBZO” Tommy yells, bounding towards his friend. 

Ranboo follows along. “TUBBO-“

Tubbo jumps “AH WHAT THE HELL”

Tommy just gasps. “Did you seriously NOT see the beanstalk over there?” he gestures to Ranboo. 

Tubbo half-heartedly shrugs. 

“Time to commit mass murder-“ Tommy starts

“Um, how about NO?” Ranboo asks pleadingly. 

“Fine. We’ll settle with arson.”

* * *

** l’manburg bias **

tubbox: whomst the fuck let me go out of the house with TOMMYINNIT and his accomplice?

grass block: lol you??

tubbox: no??

big man: aw come on we only had cops after us once

wilby: good men. good men. 

green blob: will someone convince technoblade to fight me? xoxo

:quackity added quackity to the chat:

quackity: no you whore

green blob: ranboo will you help me?

grass block: *aggressively plays mellohi*

big man: HE JUST TOOK OUT A MINI SPEAKER AND PLAYED IT ON FULL BLAST WHAT THE FUCK

green blob: :)

tubbox: RANBOO STOP WALKING AWAY FROM US??

wilby: what did you fuckers do?

grass block:  ᓭ 𝙹∷∷ ||

mr. minecraft: and another one bites the dust 

technology: i’m plotting your demise, homeless man. 

green blob: :D youll fight meeee 

gogy: stfu i’m sleeping

refrigegaytor: no??? we’re?? playing??? monopoly???

time is of the essence: yeah george???

quackity: i’m busting through your window 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> all ranboo said was “sorry” in galactic lololol


	51. flip flop canon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> here we flip flop canon ^^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a shorter chapter because i’m doing a longer one next time B-))))))

** l’manburg bias **

technology: i can’t find ranboo fuck you all

languAhE: i would say language but i’m worried 

shkeppy: wgejj fjnd gom 

wilby: but why did he apologize 

big man: how do you know what he said?

wilby: after he wrote that big ass paragraph about my death and sadness i dedicated my life to learning galactic 

big man: pog champ

tubbox: @green blob what did you do???

sam i am: my fucking prison exploded??

green blob: oh 

gogy: fuck you bitches how did you lose the giant?

refrigegaytor: lol

tubbox: wat ar we goyinh to do???

big man: tubbo calm down we’ll find him

mr. minecraft: you better

wilby: fucking technoblade says the voices are yelling, and giving him a headache so he’s off of his phone looking for ranboo 

big man: damn

green blob: he said “aggressively plays mellohi” and the man is like fucking bucky barnes just with a “:)” LOOOOOOL

it’s a new arrangement 

HOLY SHIT WHY IS TECHNOBLADE RUNNING AT ME

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TOMMYS STREAM MADE ME LAUGH FOR NO REASON. mans is like “no i cant be here you’re evil and blah blah”
> 
> and dream goes “you’re stuck with me just like old times B-)”


	52. mary had a little lamb little lamb little lamb

** l’manburg bias **

green blob: help help help

i’m hiding in a cave

gogy: lol

green blob: GEORGE HELP TECHNO IS HUNTING ME

gogy: then why did you say that you’re in a cave in the gc that technoblade is literally in?

technology: i would send a smiley face but i haven’t found ranboo yet

green blob: HOLY SHIT HES FOUND ME

time is of the essence: :dreamgetsbeatup.video:

wilby: i will write a song about dreams black eye 

gogy: h A HA nO more pretty face

green blob: you think i’m pretty?

gogy: no.

skheppy: dram us gone crabgroove 

tubbox: h-how?

grass block: IM UNDER WATER????

technology: ranboo?? coords???

grass block: ranboo can’t answer the phone right now, he is currently undergoing a panic attack

big man: the fuck??

wilby: homeless green white man beat up by an angry piglin homeless green white man beat up by a piglin

he was hit in the face

hit in the face 

hit in the face

mr. minecraft: he’s singing it to the tune of Mary had a little lamb. 

wilby:  💣

big man: so much ptsd


	53. SINCE YOUVE BEEN ASKING, MORE SLIMECICLE CONTENT LOLOLOL

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ranboos stream inspired me B-)

** social reject social reject? **

boing: RANBOO 

vwoop: CHARLIE

boing: I GOT A L’MANBURG PLACEMENT

vwoop: i am so proud, son

boing: thank you father 

vwoop: you were in a l’manburg high group chat without even living in l’manburg

boing: yes what about it?

vwoop: that is just so terrible 

boing: i’m gonna be off prime street 

vwoop: yo tubbo and jschlatt live down there

boing: FRAGRANCEMAN???

vwoop: I THINK??

boing: GREAT FANTASTIC 

vwoop: that man never ceases to confuse me

boing: that’s the brand 

vwoop: reminds me of that time you evaporated into water, and climbed into tubbos bloodstream. 

boing: that’s the brand 

** l’manburg bias **

slimes: i have returned

wilby: CHARLIE

big man: oh fuck

technology: ranboo i have literally searched the whole coast??? where?? are??? you???

grass block: oh i panicked, went back into my enderwalk thing, and currently reside in the panic room because i was 

b u r n i n g

technology: bruh 

the voices be like “RANBROTHER” “ARSON?” “E” “RANBOO” “Hurtboo?”

“SAVE THAT GODDAMN BITCH” “ranboo? pog” and “dream”

dream: uH

grass block: ranbrother :’)

technology: it’s the voices. 

mr. minecraft: ah of course

grass block: lololol

** :Wilbur to Technoblade: **

ghost: lies

blade: what lies? :) i’m very honest. 


	54. i heard there was a special place

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> when you’re supposed to catch up on the algebra work but can’t focus

** social reject? social reject? **

boing: where the fuck is CHEMISTRY CLASS

vwoop: uh

room 413 i think

:wilbur soot added wilbur soot to the chat: 

wilbur soot: that name is so dumb

also, are you doing chemistry you fucking nerd?

boing: ;-;

wilbur soot: LMAOO

** l’manburg bias **

big man: did i just watch ranboob fall, stab JACK MANIFOLD WITH A DRY PEICE OR SPAGHETTI AND THEN CRY???

manifall: it was so sharp

so so sharp

grass block: IM SORRY 

i tripped and out spilled my bag of spaghetti 

WHY

WHY

WILBUR STOP WILBUR STOP

I CANT SEE YOU BUT I KNOW YOURE THERE

STOP

wilby: :)

technology: goddamnit wilbur 

wilby: oh shit wait- fuck

green blob: LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOO

big man: ranboo deadass just opened his phone, dropped it, looked straight ahead and teleported 

mr. minecraft: we need to get this figured out

technology: dream, where’s the kid?

green blob: uh

in a special place

wilby: WHERE MEN CAN GO EMANCIPATE????????

green blob: no fuck you 

wilby: damn 

...really feeling the brutality and tyranny of the rulers. 

green blob: stop

it was FOURTH GRADE

wilby: this place WAS real

but now you should fret, where’s Wilbur, Tommy, tubbo, and 

FUCK ERET

The Eret: No, No thank you Wilbur (:

green blob: GEEEEEEEORGE CAN YOU PLEASE TELL TECHNO TO STOP TRYING TO STAB ME

gogy: hmm let me think about it


	55. ba dum ching

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i speed ran this again lololol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ranboo and tubbo have been canonically married, and divorced like 6 times, while Sapnap, Quackity, and Karl have been stuck at fiancé-base forever.

If you asked anyone, they could tell you “oh yeah, it’s ranboo. just walking around.” but if you were to ask RANBOO you wouldn’t get an answer other than mangled cries, or panicked galactic; For he wasn’t in control. Something, or someone else was.The best he could do is try to describe it once the episode stops (like you’re underwater, you can’t see well, everything you hear sounds muffled, breathing is nearly impossible, and your sense of smell isn’t picking much up.)

For Ranboo, it was like watching himself through that film. He walked through town, as though he was following some unspoken orders, and there was nothing he could do to stop it. 

The enderwalk took his body to a large whole on the outskirts of a desert biom. Odd. Ranboo watched [himself] as he dug into the ground. Collecting stacks of sand.

Ranboo watched, or more accurately, FELT as we walked down a path. He vaguely remembered the area.. Sam is an intern here or something, so why is his enderwalk taking him to a chest hidden underneath the building?

His senses were quickly overwhelmed by the sickening stench of gunpowder. Thats not right is it? Gunpowder?

“You won’t remember this.” A voice rings out. 

Ranboo tries to turn around, looking for the source, but his limbs won’t obey. 

“⍑ᒷꖎ!¡ ᒲᒷ ∴⍑ᒷ∷ᒷ ᔑ∷ᒷ ||𝙹⚍ ∴⍑𝙹’ᓭ ℸ ̣ ⍑ᒷ∷ᒷ ⍑ᒷꖎ!¡ !¡ꖎᒷᔑᓭᒷ” he screeches, to the best of his ability. Slowly losing consciousness.

He felt himself step away from the crafting table, and everything went dark. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOO
> 
> 55 chapters? pog. 
> 
> we’re almost to that one chapter i spent the majority of my free time last week writing B-)


	56. the princess bride will always be one of the greats.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> angry galactic ranboo strikes again

** l’manburg bias **

big man: i still have ranboos phone 

green blob: lol he’s passed out 

big man: oh pog can you give him his phone for me

green blob: omw to ur school

technology: WHERE is ranboo passed out?

green blob: uh 

uh

uh

uh

uh

technology: bruh 

i need to put a tracker on that kid. 

_ -several hours later- _

grass block: i’m alive lmao 

but in all seriousness 

WHO STOLE MY BAG OF SPAGHETTI

wilby: ranboo: *gets possessed and passes out somewhere randomly and is out for hours*

everyone except the green bastard: *worried*

THE FIRST THING RANBOO SAYS WHEN HE COMES BACK AROUND “who stole my bag of spaghetti”

tubbox: mans is a master at avocadoing tbings 

grass block: i’m not really a fan of avocados 

big man: stfu he meant avoiding 

tubbox: thanks big man :D

big man: np tubbo

wilby: AWWWW CUTE

big man: STUT THE FUCK UP YKH FUKCIN ARSEHOLE

shkeppy: vouch 

languAhE: LANGUAGE OWO

The Eret: fuck 

grass block: i forgot how iconic eret is

tubbox: she’s great 

wilby: if i didn’t hate them so much i would agree 

green blob: mans is the best 

The Eret: WILBUR IT WAS FOURTH GRADE

grass block: why did technoblade just throw me over his shoulder and RUN 

mr. minecraft: safety procedure 

tubbox: an 8 foot something enderman hybrid being carried by a 7 inch piglin technoblade is funny 

grass block: im not sure you converted those numbers right

tubbox: feet sorry 

grass block: then theres badboyhalo who’s like a fucking sky scraper 

why did

what

what

am i a dog??

did i just get CHIPPED 

technology: i can track you. 

wilby: oh ranboo is finally an official part of the family???

grass block: still fostered actually B-)

mr. minecraft: but for how long?

grass block: all i feel is fear

languAhE: skeppy do you wanna come over and bake? <3

shkeppy: i don’t see why not bad boy halo

grass block: back to the important stuff

WHERE IS MY BAG OF SPAGHETTI, WHO STOLE IT, AND HOW MUCH DO YOU VALUE YOUR LIFE?

wilby: i am so scared of you

grass block: ||𝙹⚍ ʖᒷℸ ̣ ℸ ̣ ᒷ∷ ⊣╎⍊ᒷ ᒲᒷ ℸ ̣ ⍑ᔑℸ ̣ᓭ!¡ᔑ⊣⍑ᒷℸ ̣ ℸ ̣ ╎ ʖᔑᓵꖌ 𝙹∷ ᓭ𝙹 ⍑ᒷꖎ!¡ ᒲᒷ ⊣𝙹↸ ╎ ∴╎ꖎꖎ ⍑⚍リℸ ̣||𝙹⚍ ↸𝙹∴リ, ℸ ̣ 𝙹 ℸ ̣ ⍑ᒷ !¡ᔑ╎リ. T𝙹 ℸ ̣ ⍑ᒷ !¡ᔑ╎リ' ᒲᒷᔑリᓭ ℸ ̣ ⍑ᔑℸ ̣ℸ ̣ ⍑ᒷ ⎓╎∷ᓭℸ ̣ℸ ̣ ⍑╎リ⊣ ||𝙹⚍ꖎ𝙹ᓭᒷ ∴╎ꖎꖎ ʖᒷ ||𝙹⚍∷ ⎓ᒷᒷℸ ̣ʖᒷꖎ𝙹∴ ℸ ̣ ⍑ᒷ ᔑリꖌꖎᒷᓭ. T⍑ᒷリ ||𝙹⚍∷ ⍑ᔑリ↸ᓭ ᔑℸ ̣ℸ ̣ ⍑ᒷ ∴∷╎ᓭℸ ̣ ᓭ, リᒷ ̇/ℸ ̣||𝙹⚍∷ リ𝙹ᓭᒷ... T⍑ᒷ リᒷ ̇/ℸ ̣ℸ ̣ ⍑╎リ⊣ ||𝙹⚍ ꖎ𝙹ᓭᒷ ∴╎ꖎꖎ ʖᒷ ||𝙹⚍∷ ꖎᒷ⎓ℸ ̣ᒷ||ᒷ, ⎓𝙹ꖎꖎ𝙹∴ᒷ↸ ʖ|| ||𝙹⚍∷∷╎⊣⍑ℸ ̣. [...] y𝙹⚍∷ ᒷᔑ∷ᓭ ||𝙹⚍ ꖌᒷᒷ!¡, ᔑリ↸ i'ꖎꖎ ℸ ̣ ᒷꖎꖎ ||𝙹⚍ ∴⍑||: ᓭ𝙹 ℸ ̣ ⍑ᔑℸ ̣ᒷ⍊ᒷ∷|| ᓭ⍑∷╎ᒷꖌ 𝙹⎓ᒷ⍊ᒷ∷|| ᓵ⍑╎ꖎ↸ ᔑℸ ̣ᓭᒷᒷ╎リ⊣ ||𝙹⚍∷ ⍑╎↸ᒷ𝙹⚍ᓭリᒷᓭᓭ ∴╎ꖎꖎ ʖᒷ ||𝙹⚍∷ᓭ ℸ ̣ 𝙹 ᓵ⍑ᒷ∷╎ᓭ⍑; ᒷ⍊ᒷ∷|| ʖᔑʖᒷ ℸ ̣ ⍑ᔑℸ ̣∴ᒷᒷ!¡ᓭ ᔑℸ ̣||𝙹⚍∷ ᔑ!¡!¡∷𝙹ᔑᓵ⍑; ᒷ⍊ᒷ∷|| ∴𝙹ᒲᔑリ ∴⍑𝙹 ᓵ∷╎ᒷᓭ 𝙹⚍ℸ ̣ , 'dᒷᔑ∷ g𝙹↸! w⍑ᔑℸ ̣╎ᓭ ℸ ̣ ⍑ᔑℸ ̣ℸ ̣ ⍑╎リ⊣?' ∴╎ꖎꖎ ᒷᓵ⍑𝙹 ╎リ ||𝙹⚍∷ !¡ᒷ∷⎓ᒷᓵℸ ̣ᒷᔑ∷ᓭ. T⍑ᔑℸ ̣╎ᓭ ∴⍑ᔑℸ ̣'ℸ ̣ 𝙹 ℸ ̣ ⍑ᒷ !¡ᔑ╎リ' ᒲᒷᔑリᓭ; ╎ℸ ̣ᒲᒷᔑリᓭ i ꖎᒷᔑ⍊ᒷ ||𝙹⚍ ╎リ ᔑリ⊣⚍╎ᓭ⍑, ∴ᔑꖎꖎ𝙹∴╎リ⊣ ╎リ ⎓∷ᒷᔑꖌ╎ᓭ⍑ ᒲ╎ᓭᒷ∷||, ⎓𝙹∷ᒷ⍊ᒷ∷.

wilby: i’m so glad i’m not on the receiving end this time. 

technology: you heard the kid quote princess bride. this is serious. who has ranboos spaghetti??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the galactic is literally just the definition of “to the pain” and asking for spaghetti.


	57. spaghetti saved

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m losing it. and that is that.

l’manburg bias

big man: i found spaghetti

tubbox: in a bag

grass block: tommy.

wilby: *eats sand like popcorn*

big man: i am running with that bag of spaghetti 

grass block: tommy i can literally TELEPORT 

technology: run away from home, Theseus

green blob: *steals wilburs sand*

wilby: *judo flips dream*

gogy: *gasps*

green blob: *cries out in agony*

wilby: *steps on dreams face*

grass block: give me my spaghetti

tommy

tommy

stop running

i can see you

why are you going to the nether

bruh 

dude

come back

fine

big man: i evade death 

grass block: really

REALLY

R E A L L Y?

tubbox: *sips tea*

big man: OK TAKE TEH SOAGHETISHSJN

tubbox: oh no

gogy: f

time is of the essence: f

technology: lol

green blob: f

refrigegaytor: f

time is of the essence: f

mr. minecraft: sigh

shkeppy: e

technology: NO

languAhE: f

quackity: f

schlatt: f

funding: f

grass block: f

tubbox: ?????

big man: he took the spaghetti 

grass block: (:

sam

hows the prison doing?

sam i am: pretty good? why

grass block: idk

sam i am: Okay, Lol

grass block: uh yep!

just a i dunno, yeah

idk

but like never mind lololol

big man: what the fuck 

wilby: tommy i have ur CD’s :-)


	58. potato potato

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i just killed some zombies  
> time for writing

** SBI **

innit: techno just yelled “NO STOP SAYING RANBROTHER CHAT” i’m laughing 

knife: bruh theyre being annoying

i beat up dream ONE (1) TIME BECAUSE OF RANBOO AND NOW CHAT THINKS IM SOFT

dadza: technoblade 

denial

fish fucker: THATS WHAT IVE BEEN SAYING GODDAMNIT 

ranboo: lolol smiley face man is THREATENING even in my head 

i mean

_ what _

no

knife: how much pain do i have to inflict on this guy?

ranboo: none no nothing 

innit: what’s that one lying vine

fish fucker: ranboo, friend, buddy, you are a TERRIBLE liar

ranboo: but,,, i’m a truther??

innit: lol heard that one before 

ranboo: it’s nothinggggg :D

_ :tubbo added tubbo to the chat: _

tubbo: all i hear are lies. 

_ :tubbo left the chat: _

ranboo: what the fuck sobs

dadza: i’m making potatoes and beef for dinner 

fish fucker: such a wide variety, we eat so many different foods

what

with a potato farm

and a nearby cow farm

dadza: you get a piece of bread. 

innit: HAHAHAHAHA SUCK IT WILBUR

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don’t kick doors.


	59. dude what’s the doctor tiktok soap opera called??

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> written while in a c a r

** l’manburg bias **

big man: IM STUCK UNDER A DESK

tubbox: how??

big man: I DONT KNOW

technology: L

wilby: then get out from under the desk

gogy: just tell the desk you’re friends with GeorgeNotFound

: gogy changed refrigegaytor’s name to snapmap:

snapmap: dude

gogy: <3

snapmap: <\3

wilby: smile

gogy: stfu

snapmap: YEAH

gogy: you too 

snapmap: i’m at ur door

gogy: i will hit you with a broom

snapmap: DAAAAAAAAAAAAD

languAhE: (:

green blob: stop fighting, boys

gogy: fuck you 

snapmap: shut the fuck up bitch

gogy: bite me

snapmap: where

gogy: i fucking hate you

snapmap: right back atcha 

green blob: :georgeandsapnaphappy.png:

(imagine description: george and sapnap are sitting on the couch next to each other with popcorn watching that one tiktok soap opera doctor show)

big man: bitches 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it took me a few days to learn how to pronounce dinosaurchestra


	60. feel the little heart beat SHOULD I KILL IT?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> one may think of many things while watching the bee movie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dudududu

** l’manburg bias **

tubbox: HOW DOES THE BEE NOT DIE

schlatt: tubbo,,,, what???

big man: we’re watching the bee movie

grass block: he PAUSED IT to yell about how a bee/human relationship wouldn’t work 

gogy: but... is he wrong??

tubbox: NO

grass block: technically if bees could speak it would WORK but only if they never had plans on reproducing bee people, but i guess that’s what the other guy is for. 

big man: but it wouldnt be a healthy relationship, they both have NEEDS that doesn’t work together, what happens when barry accidentally turns the couch into a pin cushion? 

tubbox: ...you should incorporate bees into your H2S franchise 

big man: i will.

grass block: this is terrible 

wilby: I LEAVE FOR THREE HOURS AND THIS HAPPENS??

grass block: you should know not to leave tommy and co unsupervised 

sam i am: ponk wants to know if any of you guys want to worship master oogway with him

bONK: us*** sammy wammy 123. you meant US

sam i am: oh okay :)

technology: well shit

_ :big man blocked “:)” from the chat: _

big man: fuck you sam nook 

sam i am: i’m sorry tommy :(

big man: NO SAM IM SORRY IM SORRY DONT BE SAD WHAT THE FUCK

wilby: it’s a good thing we can track ranboo now lol

green blob: tommy why’d you block it!!!

big man: FUCK YOU AND YOUR TOO MANY EXCLAMATION MARKS


	61. today, we rant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i spent half an hour spamming my friend messages about The Lorax and The Bee Movie, so here we are.   
> next chapter is going to be not-messaging 
> 
> and sbi fluff lol

** l’manburg bias **

grass block: holy fuck i woke up in muck

niACHU: what?

grass block: i think i teleported directly into a pond lol

technoblade: hes roped me into watching The Lorax

tubbox: HOW THE FUCK DOES TED BREATHE WITH NO AIR

AND THE ONCE-LER DOESNT THINK TO PLANT? IM A LAWYER AND HES A TERRIBLE BUSINESS MAN

schlatt: vouch 

tubbox: THE LORAX NEVER TELLS HIM TO PLANT SEEDS EITHER

AND THEY MAGICALLY HAVE FAKE AIR AND GUMMY BROCCOLI???

grass block: aaaaaand shutting off my phone. let me enjoy the movie. 

** SBI **

innit: i’m dragging wilbur downstairs. we’re watching the lorax with you guys. 

dadza: i’m bringing popcorn.


	62. manburg take two?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this  
> on the floor of a walk in closet
> 
> while listening to tubbos stream-

Ranboo was tired to say the least. He had stayed up most of the night watching movies with his.. friends? yeah his friends. 

He opened his phone, because it had been going off all morning. figures

* * *

** l’manburg bias **

green blob: EVERYONE

and i mean EVERYONE 

is meeting me at the park 

tubbox: oh

green blob: in ten minutes. 

technology: heh??

gogy: he dragged me to the park. 

snapmap: vouch. 

mr. minecraft: does that include me?

green blob: no philza minecraft, you do what you want 

:green blob tried to send a blocked message:

grass block: you’ve been ranboozled 

technology: okayyy thats enough of that

wilby: i will bring sand. 

green blob: fine

snapmap: bitch

gogy: arsehole 

snapmap: die

gogy: perish 

snapmap: i hate you

gogy: i hated you FIRST

snapmap: go cry about it

gogy: you’re the one crying

* * *

The enderman hybrid puts his phone away, knowing that’s gonna go on for a while. He throws on jeans, and a sweatshirt, and S H O E S, and then makes his way down the stairs.

Wilbur lightly punches him in the arm. “Well, Well, Well, look who it is.”

“Me?”

“Yes- Nevermind. come on.” 

The duo walks out the door, blissfully unaware (not really) to the sound of Tommyinnit screaming, and pulling Technoblade behind him. 

“So, does Dream call odd park meetings often?” He asks no one in particular. 

“Sometimes, it’s not really consistent.” Wilbur shrugs. 

Ranboo nods slowly. Okay then he, thinks to himself. 

Upon their arrival at the park, They notice george sitting on top of monkey bars... screaming? While Dream and Sapnap laugh 

“IM FRIENDS WITH GEORGENOTFOUND!” Tommy yells, running over to the Dream Team. 

“Did you know that?” Wilbur asks. 

“No.” Techno deadpans. 

Ranboo shrugs. “It’s a real surprise.”

They walk towards the playground. 

“SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU ARSEHOLE IM GONNA PUNT YOU.” 

“Tommy, Tommy, stop.” Dream sighs. 

George watches from above. 

“Woah woah chill.” Sapnap adds. 

“Okay, Who riled up the child?” Wilbur asks. 

Karl rounds the corner. “TEN BUCKS IT WAS DREAM.”

“No bet.” Bad says. 

Ranboo teleports onto the playground and slides down the slide because, why not?

Wilbur pats Tommy on the head “Calm yourself.”

“DO YOU SEE A FUCKING CARROT.”

“LANGUAGE.” Bad yells. 

Dream stands up on a picnic table. 

“I HAVE GATHERED YOU HERE TODAY FOR SOMETHING GREAT.”

Wilbur frowns skeptically and takes a bite of sand.“Are you gonna disappear and make our lives better by doing so?”

“What? No!”

“We are gathered here, for the rebirth of Manburg.”

Skeppy blinks. “That was Fourth. Fucking grade.”

“Your point?” Dream asks. “We can be one big happy family.”

“That’s not questionable at all.” Ranboo inputs. 

“Oh come on now! It’ll be fun!”

George falls from the monkey bars. “ow.”


	63. and scene

“The black hole doesn’t agree.” Wilbur eats more sand. 

Tommy shakes his head “Mr. Beast’s messenger!” 

Slimecicle walks to the park, even though he wasn’t invited. “You made ANOTHER deal with the beast?”

“i... uh, yes.”

Ranboo climbed back up, and went down the slide again. 

“Dream, remember LAST time?” Tubbo asked. 

Dream shrugged “Yes, but this time we will BUILD, real things. not a project.”

Jake from state farm and Flo rode by on one of those two person bikes. 

“Oh it took them like three years-“ Tommy notes. 

“ANYWAYS BACK ON TOPIC, Manburg 2.0 

because, why not? I bought a large area of land a little ways out of town.”

“Bruh” Techno states. 

“You all have no choice. Except you, Technoblade. you’re exiled because that was rude.” The white blob man on a green screen says. 

Eret walks up to the group. “What’s going on?”

Dream explains the situation again. 

Ranboo sighs. “Hows that even gonna work?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m gonna write another chapter later but itll be back in messaging format though 
> 
> i’ll also work on making chapters longer i suppose


	64. i’ve said it so many times before B-‘)

** l’manburg **

grass block: dark walk in closet, and lemon demon? pog

tubbox: i often wonder how you find yourself in these situations 

grass block: luck

much luck

i am so incredibly lucky 

tubbox: oh it doesn’t seem like that

grass block: l u c k

technology: says the orphan lol

wilby: need i remind you, that phil adopted YOU

technology: no thats a thing of the past

grass block: Radioactive by Imagine Dragons is the only imagine dragons song i will look in the direction of, for, it was written for a spider-man musical 

big man: spider-man is my favorite superhero

niACHU: how could i forget?

grass block: oh boy do i wanna hear that story?

manifall: no :]

grass block: pog

wilby: i can hear you singing about chuck norris through the WALLS 

grass block: it was the ultimate showdown of ultimate destiny 

WUH OH TOMMY YOU JUST SLAMMED THE DOOR OPEN ON ME??? MAN???

big man: i forgot that you were basically born spaghettified 

grass block: thanks???

big man: no problem big man :]

slimes: HA HA CAUSE HES TALL

SO ITS BIG MAN

big man: no.. FUCK YOU CHARLIE 

slimes: well that’s UNKIND

wilby: HA HA FUCKING NERD

slimes: WHO YOU CALLING A NERD? NERD

shkeppy: baaaaaaaaaaad

languAhE: what

shkeppy: i bring gifts

languAhE: what

shkeppy: 

(the L’manburg with a picture of wilbur, and a L’childburg with a picture of tommy meme)

big man: WHAT THE FUCK???

languAhE: LANGUAGE YOU MUFFIN

and thank you skeppy <3

grass block: hey does wilbur ooze masculine passion?

wilby: yes.

mr. minecraft: no

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how far would you go to get someone to respond to your dm?
> 
> (there is one right answer.)


	65. b o n u s chapter because im overwhelmed B-)

**l'manburg bias**

time is of the essence: ranboo: i cant sing

also ranboo: *raps/sings the ultimate showdown of ultimate destiny on several occasions*

grass block: YUP

snapmap: karl, stop calling out the poor kid

time is of the essence: honk you, you ABSOLUTE nimrod

grass block: im in the middle of couples quarrel! this is just terrible

snapmap: shut the fuck up

time is of the essence: no </3

drain: im trying to SLEEP

gogy: vouch

wilby: sleep is for the weak.

technology: pffft who SLEEPS? loser.

big man: YEAHHHHHH

tubbox: HELL YEAH

mr. minecraft: boys, go to bed

big man: YES DADZA

technology: SIR YES SIR  
  


wilby: AS YOU WISH FATHER

grass block: hmm lemme think, no. *yeets phone and teleports out window*

tubbox: *slowly backs away*

mr. minecraft: damnit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi lol its me
> 
> i fucking LOOKED at this certain type of floss and had a complete breakdown because i remembered what the texture felt like scraping across my braces wire. 
> 
> it doesnt help that i am surrounded by screaming children, for FREE mind you.


	66. no trouble B-)

l’manburg bias

:snapmap changed green blob’s name to drain:

drain: WE MOVE ON WEDNESDAY 

technology: but i’m in exile? pog

drain: .

grass blocks: i am

under a bridge 

so

yuh get it 

technology: bruh??

grass block: i am on a SINGULAR block, in a river because i fell B) 

drain: through a bridge??

big man: ranboob i’m gonna kill you

grass block: um... my bad?

big man: YEAH

grass block: okay????

tubbox:  🤭

wilby: DONT KILL RANBOO !

technology: i heard you yell that from across the hall

big man: i will

wilby: tommy do not

big man: i will, brother 

wilby: no, i will cry i will cry 

gogy: wil WILL cry 

snapmap: shut the fuck up

time is of the essence: YEAH GEORGENOTFOUND

gogy: you guys,,, are so mean to me

drain: GEORGE NO

quackity: HAHAHAHA

grass block: :sent a voice message: 

“╎ ⎓ᒷꖎꖎ ╎リ ℸ ̣ ⍑ᒷ ⎓⚍ᓵꖌ╎リ⊣ ∴ᔑℸ ̣ ᒷ∷”

big man: WELL WHY DID YOU FALL IN THE WATER?

wilby: RANBOO WHY DID YOU DO THAT

grass block: it wasn’t on PURPOSE 

technology: i thank myself every day for chipping you

myself is the blood god

drain: i’m gonna go kill steve

technology: NO DREAM WHAT THE FUCK??? ILL KILL YOU


	67. i’ve been listening to the “maybe i was boring” album against my will for twelve minutes.

** l’manburg bias **

grass block: wilbur why the fuck is the “maybe i was boring” SONG on spotify actually the whole album in one 12 minute song 

theyre good,

but still

languAhE: LANGUAGE 

shkeppy: naughty words >:)

drain: OH BUT THAT EMOTICON WORKS?

also, wilbur can you transport everyone to the new country on wednesday in your drug van?

wilby: fuck you philza minecraft is IN THE CHAT 

mr. minecraft: drug van?

big man: we have to make a living somehow...?

wilby: SO RANBOOOOO what you’re saying is, you can’t say that you wasted your time,,, listening to my song?

grass block: i am at an utter loss for words

tubbox: ranboo forgot that me, him, fundy, and quackity were supposed to have a meeting earlier :(

grass block: wuh oh

wilby: tommy, in the new FAKE country, i deem you president. 

big man: no thanks big man, i have too much stuff to get done :]

wilby: fine, tubbo it can be you then

tubbox: i’m,,, HONORED

schlatt: HEY WHAT ABOUT ME?

wilby: no, old man

schlatt: damn


	68. the one where i update late

l’manburg bias

big man: <https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMejwNrW8/>

grass block: WHAT ARE THE COMMENTS?

tubbox: i need to bleach my eyes

wilby: um what???

drain: huh??

gogy: i wake up and see THIS?

snapmap: lol

The Eret: what is this

wilby: GO AWAY

big man: HAHA

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’ve been making an OC based off of a dress i got for hours- what is life?


	69. whoops late again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> country creation?

** l’manburg  **

tubbox: ranboo

can you use hand sanitizer?

grass block: well

you see

it’s partially water so it burns

but because of the alcohol the BURNS BURN

actually recently 

i was going to somewhere i dunno

and this old lady went “put some hand sanitizer on so you don’t spread germs”

i said, “but ma’am, i have gloves.” and smiled at her NICELY 

so she was like “no”

so i took the gloves off

and she sprayed me with a mist hand sanitizer and my hands BLED and she fainted

technology: where was this

and who?

grass block: lololol

tubbox: how do i live on venus

i want to live there

and make friends with vartians 

big man: martians?

tubbox: VARTIANS 

big man: OKAY

drain: i’m skipping these days now it’s wednesday everyone come along

grass block: i am quite literally IN CLASS

drain: go outside

all of you

big man:...

tubbox...

grass block: can i bring jake from statefarm? i want insurance. 

...there’s a cat out here

i want it

mr. minecraft: .

grass block: oh nvm it was scared away by the school exploding 

wait

DREAM WTF

tubbox: WHAT ABOUT EVERYONE INSIDE?

big man: JAKE FROM STATEFARM IS CRING HE’LL NEVER AGREE TO HELP US NOW

drain: what’s that one quote

“all is fair in love and war”

wilby: oh so we have a war

grass block: IM SORRY WHAT FUCKING WAR???

tubbox: and i’m president

languAhE: the bad lands are neutral 

big man: i’m with tubbo

technology: i’m exiled

wilby: i retired. 

mr. minecraft: i’m with techno ig

big man: favorite *cough* child 

technology: heh??

grass block: can i be neutral?

tubbox: no

quackity: no

funds: no

grass block: oh


	70. i  memorized a song bonus chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> im panicking so here you go

**l'manburg bias**

tubbox: can i say something crazy?

grass block: i love crazy

tubbox: my whole life has been a series of doors in my face

and then suddenly i run into you

grass block: ive been thinking the same thing cause ive been searching my whole life to find my own place

maybe its the party talkin' or the chocolate fondu

big man: BUT WITH YOU  
  


grass block: ive found my place

tubbox: i see your face

big man: and its nothin like ive ever known beforeeeee

grass block: love is an open dooooor

tubbox: love is an open doooor

wilby: shut UP

big man: love is an open dooooooor

grass block: with you

big man: with you

tubbox: with you

big man: with you

technology: please stop this

grass block: i mean its crazy

tubbox: what

grass block: we finish each others 

tubbox: sandwiches

grass block: THATS WHAT I WAS GONNA SAY

big man: ive never met someone who thinks so much like me

grass block: jinx

tubbox: jinx

big man: jinx again

our mental synchronization can have but one explanation

grass block: you

tubbox: and i

big man: were just meant to beeeee

say goodbye to the pain of the past

we dont have to feel it anymore

tubbox: love is an open dooooooor

drain: why is ranboo hans

gogy: THATS what you ask?

grass block: love is an open dooooooor

big man: love is an open dooooooor

grass block: with you

big man: with you

tubbox: with you

big man: with you

grass block: love is an open dooooooooooooooooooor

tubbox: doooooooooooor 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i got pulled out of class  
> with a group of people  
> went into a separate room with some lady name Hannah  
> and got asked questions about my mental health
> 
> now the lady is calling my mother. what is this madness?


	71. speed running lore? pog

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hi, i’m alexa. and in this chapter we will be speedrunning lore.
> 
> edit: I FORGOT HOW WELL MR. BOO CAN ACT OH MY GOD HIS "hes gone" LORE STREAM IS MAKING ME CRY

** l’manburg bias **

drain: so you will all meet me at this patch of grass 

technology: bruh 

drain: except for you

_ :drain reset all chat names: _

wilbur: why’d you do that, fucker?

dream: everyone who’s not exiled, or part of a separate nation meet me here

:location.file:

quackity: george

george 

george

george

george

george: no, quackity. you don’t get it. 

quackity: but i want to

george: no

dream: STOP BACK ON TASK

sapnap: daddy chill 

quackity: EXCUSE ME?

Karl: UM???

sapnap: no no no /j /j /j

tommy: george just looked at his phone crying???

oh nvm

i would cry if quackity talked to me too

quackity: FUCK OFF

tubbo: what’s going on?

oh okay dream! :]

dream: EVERYBODY COME ON

ranboo: uh.. do i have to?

fundy: yes

quackity: yes

tubbo: you will be part of the cabinet 

ranboo: oh, okay

wilbur: give the kid freedom

quackity: no

wilbur: the thing that i built this nation fordoesn’t exist anymore. you’re all arseholes who go against freedom, fucking bitches.

Philza Minecraft?

Philza Minecraft: what

wilbur: kill me, philza, do it

Philza Minecraft: YOURE MY SON I CANNOT

ranboo: i didn’t realize how dramatic you people were

Philza Minecraft: *stabs u*

wilbur: *dies*

Philza Minecraft: NOOOOOOOOI

tommy: WILBUR

dream: oh well

another one bites the dust

_ :wilbur changed their name to ghostbur: _

ghostbur: would you like some blue? :]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have been inspired by georges stream
> 
> but also, one time i asked myself what the weather was, because i talk to myself on occasion, and then i cried.


	72. manipulative dream WILL strike again

** l’manburg bias **

niki: so wilbur just.. died?

puffy: we can build a flower shop it’s okay! :D

niki: okay...

george: i’m building a mushroom house and no one can fucking stop me

tommy:  👀

dream: sam can you build this for me? i’ll pay you :blue.print.png:

sam: uh, yeah. sure. 

technoblade: L GOVERNMENT WILL GET YOU NOWHERE

dream: shut up 

technoblade: wow okay

tubbo: hey techno

remember when you were in fourth grade

and i built that cool tent for your project 

AND YOU SHOT THAT COLOURFUL DUST AT ME??

technoblade: um.. maybe?

tubbo: yeah.

quackity: HMMM TRAITOR?

technoblade: no..?

quackity: cabinet meeting

ghostbur: :D blue anyone?

niki: hi ghostbur

ghostbur: NIKI!!!


	73. ha ha ha we speedrun this shit

11:24 PM

**l’manburg bias**

technoblade: i’m living the life

far in the snow

away from government 

in sweet sweet retirement

the voices arent as pleased as i

but that’s a story for another time

ghostbur: i’ll stop by and bring you blue!

technoblade: that’s cool, ghostbur

quackity: wait

ghostbur, check your dm’s

ghostbur: okay!! :D

tubbo: why did no one tell me being president involved PAPERWORK

george: at least i get a crown

dream: oh uh

speaking of that, george, you’re not king anymore. 

george: i’m sorry, what?

dream: it’s dangerous

technoblade: L

dream: eret will be king 

eret: really?

george: okay

dream: george i’m doing this because i CARE

sapnap: dream i will kill you

karl jacobs: he will kill you

dream: i care, george. i don’t want you getting hurt!

george: just tell me you hate me dream  😔

_ :george left the chat: _

sapnap: GEOOOORGE

puffy: duckling, what was that for? :(

dream: um, i- i’ll talk to him

7 am

:tommy added george to the chat:

george: fuck yoy i’m sleeping 

sapnap: GEORGE

karl jacobs: yoy


	74. god destroys george’s house in 5 minute crafts

**l’manburg bias**

george: i built my fucking house :]

tommy: every morning i wake up 

ranboo: i am shocked 

tommy: shut up

every morning i wake up, and choose life. 

ghostbur: how nice, tommy!!

tommy: shut up

tubbo: hes just pissy because of eret

eret: what did i do?

tommy: you existed 

eret: ouch

you wound me 

ghostbur: oh no!! do you need blue?

eret: no, thank you though :)

technoblade: dream

did you

unblock 

the colon parentheses?

dream: me? never! 

ranboo: i’m actually,,, fine?

george: THERE HAS BEEN A CRIME

MY HOUSE IS BURNT

dream: .

tommy: i was playing with matches while also holding an allium, dont hurt me

dream: .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> two things
> 
> one, ranboos voice for his stream yesterday was the greatest. poor sam, that’s why you don’t shoot people. 
> 
> second, the WASTED opportunities they could’ve done to show that the book was real. instead we get tommy talking to wilbur, who seemed chill, and then just poofs back into existence, and like, he said my mans wilbur shouldn’t come back :’) all is well. also i have been texting my friend really formally and it’s hurting my brain, i also have a migraine. life is pog and i am out of ITTTTT


	75. Chapter 75

“Tommy, Seriously? I’ve covered for you before. But now? you’re the VICE PRESIDENT.” Tubbo scolds. 

Dream taps Tubbo on the shoulder and whispers something to the boy 

“What? No! I can’t!” 

“Tubbo, do it. Or risk your presidency.”

Tommy frowns “Wait, what’s going on?”

Tubbo sucks in a breathe. “Tommy, you are hereby exiled. Dream, please escort him out.” His eyes drop to the ground. “i’m sorry tommy.” He mutters, as Tommy walks by. 

“Tubbo...” Tommy whispers.

** :Tommy To Tubbo: **

tommyinnit: how could you

how fucking could you?

you’re supposed to be my best mate

tubbo underscore: tommy i’m sorry

i had to

please forgive me

:read at 11:12 AM:

** l’manburg bias **

tommy: just you wait

i’ll build an empire 

i’ll be so strong you won’t even see it coming 

dream: then why are you warning us? LOL

i’ll visit dw

tommy: FUCK OFFFF YOURE TYE REASON IM HERE BITCH

ghostbur: it’s okay tommy! we have blue!

tommy: thank you ghostbur 

technoblade: if only you knew someone who was also in exile and had an excessive amount of goods

tommy: give me their number

technoblade: HA HA YOU THOUGHT

quackity: now now

ranboo: what does that have to do with the conversation?

quackity: go back to being all indecisive and angsty 

ranboo: damn ok. really hit me where it hurts. 

karl: yikes 

does anyone wanna go on a treasure hunt?

ranboo: i suddenly have a free schedule 

dream: can i go?

george: ugh i guess

sapnap: yes.

badboyhalo: ooh sounds fun, aRgh

karl: FANTASTIC 

ranboo: i fell in a lake

this is so inconceivable 

i will go watch the princess bride and cry

tommy: ranboo goes “i fell in a lake, now let me cry and hurt myself more”

ranboo: dont question my coping methods 

you try being me in all of my coolness and gory

tommy: i’ll pass thanks 

ranboo: touché 

tubbo: can we watch the bee movie?

ranboo: y’know what. fine

tommy: ACCORDING TO ALL KNOWN LAWS OF AVIATION 

technoblade: stop

tommy: *stops*

technoblade: thank you, child 

tommy: I AN NOT

A FUILD

YOY STA THAT JOW

GUT I AL A BIG MAN

skeppy: skeppy 2.0

tommy: SHIF THE TICK YO BICTH

skeppy: gu ojay 

ranboo: imagine using your self defense mechanism ONCE and then dying. couldn’t be me. 

tubbo: DONT SLANDER BEES

ranboo: oh i WILL slander bees 

tubbo: tommy help me out

tommy: ranboo, tell tubbo that i am ignoring him

ranboo: tommys ignoring you

tubbo: oh :(

tommy: AHSJAJHS NO DONT BE SAD

tubbo: then dont ignore me :(

tommy: IM SORRY

tubbo: it’s okay! :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i aspire to be a screenwriter.
> 
> i was watching The Mummy, and when the books fell down, instead of “what is this” it would’ve been so much better if the dude had said “AGAIN??”


	76. plot development say what?

**l’manburg bias**

technoblade: why do all of the chapter dividers in the notes app just say “next”

ranboo: it’s almost as if the author can never remember what chapter theyre on

eret: what a shame 

dream: and i thought wilbur was insane 

tommy: what are you TALKING about

ranboo: how many days of summer vacation are there?

slimecicle: why, 104. obviously. 

ranboo: right right how could i forget 

tubbo: charlie slimecicle! no!

george: quackity

karl

sapnap

meet me by the church, we have important business to discuss 

technoblade: L dream getting left out 

george: he dethroned me, what else was i meant to do?

ranboo: if i’m entirely honest that whole thing was a little funny

george: any askers

quackity: OH

HES POPPING OFF

HES POPPING OFFFFF

technoblade: count your days, duck man 

quackity: technosoft 

technoblade: count faster. 

quackity: slowly backing away

karl: i’m at the church 

sapnap: same bitch 


	77. this is a bonus chapter because i need an outlet for my emotions

** l’manburg bias **

tubbo: will someone explain to me WHY sam died??

SURE SHE WAS A DOG

ranboo: did you watch “i am legend” again? is that what this is about?

tubbo: YES

SAM WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO DESERVED TO LIVE THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRETY OF THAT APOCALYPSE 

AND SHE LITERALLY GOT CURED, IT JUST TOOK A WHILE TO TAKE EFFECT

SO MY MAN WILL SMITH KILLED HER FOR NO REASON

AND COULDVE EASILY RESTRAINED HER

BROUGHT HER BACK TO LIFE WITH THE ZOMBIE SYRUM 

AND THEN CURED HER

ranboo: yeah her death started the chain reaction of the lady and her son finding him, along with the zombies finding his home. god weng ‘you let sam die? now perish.’

tubbo: YES THANK YOU

technoblade: this isnt just because the author is sobbing in anger over this and using tubbo to project, right?

tubbo: who???

ranboo: if i’m totally honest, it probably is

tubbo: ANYWAYS

AND THEN THEY LET THE GIRL AND HER SON INRO THE SAFE ZONE WITHOUT TESTING THEM FOR ANYTHING? HOW DID THEY EVEN GET OUT OF THE TUBE WILL SMITH BLEW UP HIS HOUSE

ranboo: where there’s a Will there’s a way


	78. paggro B-)

** l’manburg bias **

quackity: can i have those coords now?

ghostbur: oh of course! i’ll DM you

tommy: THIS BITCH BLEW IP MY SHIT

dream: YOU HID STUFF FROM ME

tommy: I HAVE A RIGHT TO PRIVACY

dream: SAYS WHO???

quackity: ranboo

fundy

tubbo you guys ready?

ranboo: um.. no?

fundy: yesh.

tubbo: obviously. we’ve got phil chained ip

fuck

how do i delete messages 

techno: philza minecraft 

philza: hello

techno: oh you’re fine

fundy: yep :]

puffy: i should invest in mcdonald’s

foolish: i could be of some help

tommy: THE ABLE SISTERS

ghostbur: something deep within me is telling me to say “shut up you fucker”

i’m not sure what it is though :] would you like blue?

tommy: wilbur.

technoblade: passive aggressive much?


	79. HmMmMmMmmMmm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hyperfixated on cleaning out my dresser for 12 hours. smh.

Ranboo tags. along, thats the best word for it. He followed. not quite sure what was going on. They walked for a.. while? maybe. Waving to ghostbur as he floats by. They continue the trek to some bad dudes.. cottage? He can’t remember the details. 

A man peers down at them from the upper floor window.He looked suspiciously like Technoblade- wait- oh shit.

“TECHNOBLADE.” Quackity yells. 

The piglin hybrid in question sighs, and opens the window. “Why are you INVADING my home? i haven’t done anything? bruh i am VIBING.”

Tubbo shrugs. “You’re a threat to our country.”

Ranboo nods slowly. These are his friends? Right?

Technoblade scowls. “Alright.” 

He steps down from the stairs and pulls out his sword. 

With one swift motion Quackity is down, and already re-spawning at the bed placed in the woods. 

Ranboo freezes. Barely taking in the chaos around him. Tubbo charges towards Techno, with Fundy on his heels. 

After a few minutes of the battle, Technoblade drops his sword. “I give up. Why are you here?”

“i- WE,” Quackity starts, “Are here to take you in, for crimes against the country.”

“Hi! Technoblade!” Ghostbur yelps. “i’ve brought friends! and look! a blue sheep!”

“That’s nice, Ghostbur.” 

“DROP YOUR ITEMS BY ORDER OF THE PRESIDENT.” Tubbo bellows. 

Ranboo stands awkwardly to the side. Watching as the Blood God drops his armor, and the remaining items in his inventory. 

The enderman hybrid quietly follows along as the rest of the Butcher Army marches to the boats, and start heading across the lake. 

Once they arrive at L’Manburg Technoblade is escorted to the center.

He stares at cell, just sitting there. before sighing and walking inside. 

“HA WE GOTTEM.” Quackity yells. 

Tubbo cheers along, he still hasn’t forgiven Techno for that incident from back when he was a toddler. 

Philza Minecraft steps out from the house which he is bound to, and stares at his eldest son. He shakes his head, in a silent apology. 

Ranboos eyes snap shut, and he counts the seconds in the moments before the anvil falls. 

The sound of the trapdoor receding echoes through the air. 


	80. i almost said “60th” chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ranboo favoritism

The anvil falls. Ranboo waits for the sound of iron on flesh but it never comes. He opens his eyes. “T-Technoblade?” he whispers to himself. Slowly slipping away as the rest of the butcher army is chased away by Punz? what the fuck?

He passes Carl on the way to his hou- CARL?? What had Ranboo gotten himself into. Quackity had told him that Techno was the bad guy, but was Technoblade the one stealing horses and putting people up to a public exile? 

Ranboo quietly runs to the panic room, technically he’s running away from the Cabinet, and what’s happened, but that’s a minor detail that needn’t be mentioned or dwelled on for two long. 

“shit. i forgot about phil.” He mutters, taking out his book. He’ll have to write it down.

Once there’s a clear “Free Phil.” written down, he pulls out his phone. 

* * *

** :Ranboo to Philza Minecraft: **

Ranboo: i am so sorry

that doesn’t make up for anything

but i’m sorry 

Philza Minecraft: You have memory problems, you’re easily manipulated, and you seemed upset. So it’s fine. 

Ranboo: i keep forgetting Philza Minecraft is a Ranboo apologist 

Philza Minecraft: Write it down then

Ranboo: um okay sir (?)

* * *

** L’Manburg Bias **

tubbo: has anyone seen ranboo? he vanishd after we tried to egsecute techno

_ :tommy changed their name to ‘big man’: _

big man: no i haven’t 

tubbo: OH! WE CAN CHANGE OUR NAMES AGAIN?

_ :tubbo changed their name to bees: _

technoblade: you just fucking LOST ranboo??

dream: didn’t he just try to execute you??

technoblade: peer pressure is a powerful thing 

fundy: upvote @philza i was peer pressured forgive me ily 

philza: Mm no.

fundy: WHAT

DID I DO

karl jacobs: lol ranboo is the favorite 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what’s that one sentence/catchphrase/word you say to everything?
> 
> mine is “oh neat” no matter the situation.


	81. technoblade takes his leave

**l’manburg bias**

big man: you all have such BOOOORING NAMES 

ponk: i’m glad you’re in exile

sam: PONK :(

ponk: i am very sorry

sam: :)

ranboo: ANNND SCENE

technoblade: ...

philza: we technically kidnapped a child, for none of us have custody of ranboo and yet we’ve left the country 

ranboo: prime town was boring ig

tubbo: if someone 

(fundy) were to come up to me asking what i thought of them, i would reply with a simple, “your organs will be worth great sums of money on the black market”

fundy: uh.. i’m just gonna GO-

big man: pogChamp

technoblade: okay twitch emote 

ranboo: monkaS

technoblade: now i take my leave

big man: FUCKING FAVORITISM 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i fucking forgot about the sbi + ranboo + tubbo “arc possibilities that didn’t happen” one shots i have saved up in my notes app-
> 
> would anyone want to see those?
> 
> (edit: i made the thing, um, go on my account and find it if you want. the first oneshot is tommy and technoblade nicely kidnapping george)


	82. owo catching up on lore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ahHhaH

**l’manburg bias**

dream: tommy has disappeared

i only blew up all of his stuff 

and yelled at him

and NOW I GO BACK AND THERES A ONE BLOCK WIDE TOWER 

tubbox: dream, you’re the fucking reason logsteadshire looks like that?

dream: uh

no?

tubbox: THATS WHY YOU WOULDNT LET US VISIT HIM

dream: uh no

george: cancel dream wastaken 

sapnap: upvote 

karl jacobs: vouch 

technoblade: bruh he’s a kid?

ghostbur: i’ll be watching out for his spirit 

ranboo: dream: *possibly pushes a child off the edge*

everyone else: “cancel dream” or “haha might be dead”

is THAT what this place has come to?

do you have no loyalties? no friends? no STANDARDS?

fundy: no, that’s why we must team up, ranboo you’re so right 

ranboo: ok i think you’re blind. 

fundy: ??

ranboo: i’m done, this is stupid. 

tubbox: ghostbur will you help me look for tommy?

ghostbur: of course!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter will be starring raccoon!innit
> 
> also, i am going to have tommy and ranboo communicating a lot because i love their dynamics. it’s funny. 
> 
> ALSO WHAT IS GOING ON WITH SAM FOOLISH AND PONK??? SAM PLAYED CHESS?? FOOLISH TOLD PONK HE CHEATED??? PONK IS ANGRY?? AHHH
> 
> and also, go check out my other fic that i can’t remember the name of ha ha ha


	83. tommyinnit lives to tell the tale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a short chapter about tommy to set the scene B-)

Tommy was so fucking proud of himself. He had built a room under Technoblades house, he was A RACCOON BOY. He loves it. 

He was walking outside, getting fresh air and all, when a “vworp” rings out to his left. He spins, pulling out a sword. Thinking he could quickly kill an enderman and get pearls. To his dismay, it was just Ranboo. 

“What the fuck man?” Tommy asks. 

Ranboo puts his hands up “Sorry- WAIT YOURE ALIVE?”

“um.. yep!”

“you scared everyone so bad- holy cow you have to tell tubbo.”

“he exiled me, big man.”

The enderman-hybrid winces “yeah. but that doesn’t mean he stopped caring.”

Tommy nods slowly. “I’ll tell ‘em!!”

“wait so WHY are you out here?”

“i have become a little RACCOON BOY. don’t tell technoblade.” Tommy pleads. 

“okay okay i won’t. Um.. good luck. Tommy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry- i totally missed yesterday, but uh, i have been p a n i c k i n g about going on an airplane tomorrow. off to mexico i go.


	84. UwU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tommy is alive, everyone knows.

** SBI **

innit: what’s up fuckers 

knife: oh he’s alive.

dadza: TOMMY YOU SCARED US

fishfucker: hi tommy!

ranboo: did you tell tubbo yet?

innit: no

i have to build suspience 

:innit changed ranboos name to oreo:

oreo: okay then. but, what is suspience 

innit: SUSPENSE FUCK YOU 

** L’manburg Bias **

big man: guess who never died

tubbox: TOMMY UR OKAY??

big man: yes tubzo 

tubbox: THANK GOD

dream: oh

big man: FUCK YOU FUCK YOU I WILL BEAT YOU UP BITCH BOY 

george: literally, you’re always so aggressive 

sapnap: literally george needs to shut up

george: literally no one asked 

sapnap: literally who cares?

george: that’s it. i’m literally on my way you have three minutes to run

sapnap: ha-ha why would i be scared of someone that short?

karl jacobs: you’re the same height??

sapnap: i thought you loved me <\3

karl jacobs: noooo you’re cuddle height?

sapnap: but you said GEORGE is my height

karl jacobs: yes, but i don’t like george?

george: nice save

sapnap: hey! dont be mean to george 

karl jacobs: um

um 

forget i said anything?

sapnap: ok ily <3

karl jacobs: <3

sapnap: fuck you

grass block: the whiplash

karl jacobs: what why?

sapnap: you didn’t say it back 

karl jacobs: ...

i love you sapnap

sapnap: love you too 

THATS how you’re supposed to do it. 

karl jacobs: my condolences 

quackity: what the fuckkkkk

_ :karl jacobs changed their name to time is of the essence: _

_ :sapnap changed their name to arson: _

grass block: time is of the essence 

We live in the future

Color makes us hungry

Everything's connected

Redesign your logo

We know how to do it

Make the calculations

Put them into action

We will find the angle

Starting with convention

On to innovation

Everything's connected

Here we have a circle

Smooth and inoffensive

This will be the basis

For your revolution

Gravity is crucial

Geomagnetism

With some calculation

We will find your logo

DNA is crucial

We must understand it

In the human genome

We will find your logo

Everyone will see it

Every demographic

If they fail to see it

Are they even human?

time is of the essence: AGAIN? WHAT THE HONK

arson: i am mortified 

grass block: it’s your fault, not mine. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> spider-man home coming is my favorite spider-man movie, however, they don’t do flash justice.


End file.
